The best part was, as I'm standing there giving it left and right to this joke of a wrinkled old pig-fucker they were seriously considering running as my candidate...I ALREADY KNEW we had Bin Laden in our sights. It was in the back of my mind, and I stood there and grinned and told jokes like the ice cold motherfucker I am.

Trump pretended to laugh, seeething inside as he tried in vain to take it all in stride.

"Keep laughing, motherfucker." I smirked to myself. "I just killed Khudafi's son. I just unveiled my birth certificate. And in a few days," I thought, "I'm going to interrupt your show, airing eight years after Mission Accomplished, and announce that Osama Bin Laden is dead, and I gave the order, and we have the body to prove it."

tl;dr I'm the greatest troll that ever lived. I'm the mightiest leader you've ever laid eyes on. I'm the hero America needs, but not the one it deserves right now. I'm a watchful guardian. A silent protector.

I AM THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.