Putin: "We need to keep russians safe in Ukraine!"

John Kerry: "In the 21th century, you just don't act in a 19th century manner, by invading another country with a completely made up excuse!"

Putin: "The absence of evidence is not the evidence of absence."

John Kerry: "My God, you're right! You're obviously just doing it in the name of freedom! Well, carry on then!"

Europe: "Not so fast! We have the UN and the G8 and all manners of unions and pacts, so that we can stand united against the super powers! Together we will assemble into a giant robot and do battle!"

Putin: "Oh go fuck yourself, Europe."

Europe: "Oh no, Putin spoke, and he has the veto power! We now have to go fuck ourselves, like the powerless, pre-lubed up babies we are!"

Putin: "Okay, so now that we have Ukraine, what country do we destabilize next? This game of funding and supporting protesters against governments, is really too easy. I'll give Europe five more years, before they're all learning russian in their schools and we're burning all their culture, like we've done with so many countries before. I say we invade Finland next. Sweden doesn't have a military, so once we defeat Finland, we get Sweden for free, and from there we control the north coast of Europe."

Sweden: "But we have the UN to protect us! ...and pacts! ... We're so fucked!"