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I have a huge textfile full of various internet-related things; things like youtube links, article links, and, most of all, greentext stories. A year ago or so I attempted to post them but I had shitty wireless internet that failed barely an 1/8th of the way through. So here I am again with a hard connection. FYI, the reason I'm posting is "in memoriam of /r9k/." Before it was shut down, /r9k/ was basically the real random board of 4chan. We would just sit around and talk about whatever topics we wanted to, but the main draw had to be the legendary greentext threads, many of which are of course archived now. After moot shut us down, most of the community migrated to /adv/. We brought all of their relationshit with us as soon as we got our board back. In the old /r9k/, there was no such thing as 'betas' or 'alphas' or 'normalfags' or 'feels.' Now this board is really one of the shittiest boards, more shameful than /b/ even, because most of you faggots actually are whining and bitching about your 1st world problems, without even a hint of self-awareness or irony. Old /r9k/, this is to you.
Anonymous
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>>2904716 OP, this thread was truly magnificent. I saved it so it will be preserved forever. Thank you.
Anonymous
this needs to be archived a lot
Anonymous
Anonymous
>see a gp to refer me to a that I allegedly need >requires bloodtest >mother basically announces that I'm getting a bloodtest to the whole waiting room when telling me something about it that i either know or could wait >subtlety point it out to her what she did >she laughs, though she's unimpressionable for anyone to notice or care she repeats the my observation to the receptionist, either to explain her chuckling or more likely to get interaction out of someone, doesn't even explain why I'm getting it. >I can feel the unruly presumptions of strangers flowing through me
Anonymous
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>>2904849 >refer me to a phsychologist* I will break this iPod one day
Anonymous
>>2904777 Already archived and ready to go
http://chanarchive.org/4chan/r9k/49811 OP, I fucking love you for making this thread
Anonymous
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It was ok I don't understand wha you guys like so much about random everyday awkward stories
Anonymous
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>Reading this thread >Just finished reading dick-kissing >Brother walks in asking about mundane bullshit >Scroll down so he can't read it >He just stares at the screen >Look thanks op i cum on cat he hiss at penis
Anonymous
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>mfw im refreshing and still halfway through the thread cos i want all of the goodies before 404
Anonymous
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ye boyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee one of my greentext stories is in this thread. Im famous!
Anonymous
Man, I've been saying this ever since /r9k/ came back, but why doesn't moot just bite the bullet already and just make a />/ green text story board?
Anonymous
/r9k/ would die if he made /greentext/
Anonymous
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>>2905296 rabble rabble rabble rabble rabble rabble rabble rabble rabble rabble rabble rabble rabble rabble rabble rabble rabble rabble rabble rabble rabble rabble rabble rabble rabble rabble rabble rabble rabble rabble
Anonymous
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>>2905296 Fuck you
bloxingfuckyouagainblox
Captain Indigo !aR10YHrTDg
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>>2904510 I have never in my life laughed at something on 4chan as hard as I just laughed at this.
Anonymous
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>>2905370 thatsthepoint.feel.jpg.exe
Anonymous
Criptastic !!fFAlBQY3VM7
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>>2903519 lol what a faggot cripple
Beef the Thief !zJRMJWlebk
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>>2904572 >>2904572 oh man this thread is still alive. I loved this. I would pay all my money to see this
>>2904690 >>2904693 >>2904699 >>2904711 I remember these
Anonymous
>moved school for sixth form >friend from old school invites me to a week long house party after exams >haven't seen her in two years >she was really boring before, maybe she's changed >besides, she has hot friends, maybe we'll get some >me and two bros (also regular 4channers) drive down to her house >haven't seen them in ages either, many lols were had catching up >arrive at her house >none of her friends are there >"yeah sorry they couldn't come" >so it's just us three, our boring friend, and some random polish girl >wow this sucks >one and a half days of awkward silences, random shitty board games, and small amounts of drinking >fuck this shit >we decide to leave >two girls go out, will be back in an hour >we quickly pack our things in the car >decide to get revenge for the absolute worst party ever, fuck it, we'll never see her again >cont.
Anonymous
>>2905766 >first thing we do is rub butter behind all the radiators, and turn the heating right up >we were supposed to give her money for the electricity, leave a pile of monopoly money instead with a note saying it's for the electricity >leave a massive shit in the toilet >flooded all the sinks >hid all the food, stole all the alcohol >destroyed the jigsaw puzzle they were doing, pieces all over the living room everywhere >by the time it took us to do all of this, the house is insanely hot and reeks of butter >shit they'll be back soon >run out to car >in car, they're walking back to the house, i'm driving >as we're driving past they're opening the door >i slow down, we're all staring out the windows of the car >they're hit with a wall of heat and butter >oh my god their faces >they turn round to see the car crawling past, us three with our heads poked out the window, laughing our asses off >accelerate away, tires squeal and smells like teen spirit blares out of the stereo >we laugh the entire two hour journey home Anonymous
>>2905774 Fuck you no way that happened.
Me and my girlfriend read this and we both agree this never happened.
Anonymous
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>>2905803 I promise you, this was today and it definitely happened.
Anonymous
>>2905774 What I got from that is that you're an asshole.
Anonymous
>>2905493 >>2904892 Haha wow so glad people liked this thread. I knew saving all those stories would have more worth than just showing friends.
Wait.
I didn't know that at all.
Anonymous
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>>2905833 Being an ashole is fun. Try it sometime!
Anonymous
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>have musc class with the most dumbfuck retarded music teacher on the planet >teacher is too lazy/dumbfuck to print class register from school system >passes round blank register and asks us to all just write our names on it >after my own name, decide invent a fake kid and write "Juan Stanley" on next line >Every class for next 7 months >"WHERE IS JUAN STANLEY HIS ATTENDANCE IS VERY POOR?" >everyone sniggering errday >"DOES ANYONE SPEAK TO JUAN STANLEY? TELL HIM HE IS GOING TO FAIL IF HE DOES NOT SHOW UP!" >teahcer eventually goes to head of year about the poor attendance of "Juan Stanley" >tells her that no such kid exists >her face when >everyones face when
Anonymous
>>2905883 You are truly an hero to us all.
GENTLEMANANDASCHOLARBLOX
Anonymous
OP, can you pastebin what you have?
Anonymous
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>>2905984 Uh, alright, there's no reason NOT to, I guess. Again, the textfile WILL be full of my random shit, but I'll put it up anyway. One moment.
Anonymous
Toasting in epic bread. Hopefully archived this thread already.
Anonymous
Anonymous
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NOTICE I'M GOING TO UPLOAD THE WHOLE TEXTFILE TO PASTEBIN. I AM CURRENTLY SCRUBBING THE FILE OF ANY REFERENCES TO MY PERSON. STAY TUNED.
Anonymous
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Gotta go to bed ,since this is being archived, I figured I'd post in this awesome thread just to be a part of it, shall also contribute, don't know if these have already been posted as I've not read it all yet
Anonymous
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>>2904592 I remember this thread, what a perfect post
Wow, the best.
Anonymous
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A little moar fer y'all
Anonymous
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>>2903617 Holy fuck I laughed hard. Thank God I'm home alone.
Anonymous
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>Be 17 >In math class with my favourite teacher >Suddenly his marker runs out as his is writing up an equation. >Asks me to fetch two new ones, black and dark blue. >The quest begins >Venture to the secretary's office. Demand the wench hand over the markers my sensei has requested. >The wench obliges. >Suddenly the trickster inside me awakens. >Switch the cap of the very dark blue marker with the cap of the black marker. >Return with the markers. >Here you go, Boss. >He begins writing where he left off mid equation. >Writes about 3 letters before becomings slightly confused. >Takes about 5 seconds to examine the markers before turning to me and sighing loudly "Really?". >Pissing myself laughing at the subtlety of it all. >No one else knew what was happening but us. Glorious day.
Anonymous
Anonymous
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>>2906251 There it is, the holy grail (apparently). It's got a ton of content that I didn't post here, as well as a ton of shit you won't understand because it's my personal file.
BTW I have separate textfiles for porn, so any porn links you see are probably hilarious. Don't worry about checking them out. lol
Anonymous
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>>2904468 >>2904468 >a melting black dude had just lunged into the room Oh god my sides
Anonymous
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>OP CLEARLY STATES that he's posting old greentext that he archived >People STILL replying to the greentext as if he's the person who wrote it HOW ARE YOU ALL THIS RETARDED
Anonymous
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Man, for the past few days I couldn't help but wonder what ever happened to the 'old' /r9k/ and how it turned into this. I must salute you, OG, for keeping the spirit of old /r9k/ alive. You're a winner, and I appreciate you and your effort.
Anonymous
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>>2906038 LOVE YOU BABE
<3
:3
Anonymous
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Bumping because this shit is awesome and I'm not done reading it.
Anonymous
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Thank you so much, OP. Had a good laugh with a lot of these.
Anonymous
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>>2903504 I have lost control of my sides, this is the funniest thing I have read in months
Anonymous
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>>2905883 SHOWAN EM ONLINE
does anyone even know this meme Anonymous
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>>2903584 OH FUCK ME I REMEMBER THIS. How far back do these stories go? I remember laughing my ass off to this. Goddamn.
Anonymous
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none of these stories are very good, they entertained me for a couple hours, but honestly, how big of shut ins are you that other people recounting normal, awkward, everyday events makes you guys shit your pants laughing? Is the prospect of interacting with other people really that funny to you?