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I'll start DMing a new campaign soon, and all my players are fantasy-buffs, from books to playing RPGs, etc. I want the first session to contain the biggest amount of anti-cliches possible. I've got some ideas, but most that I can think of would involve players and their backstories, not things that a DM does. For example, I will introduce a seemingly-Mary Sue DMPC who will seem overpowered compared to the players, but have them be pathetic and die. A werewar will ask them to go kill 10 humans who are plaguing its basement. If the players end up in the tavern, there will be no fights, no one will come in asking for 5 adventurers to help him retrieve his caravan or any of that shit. It will be completely uneventful. One NPC will literally have a 'dark' past, because he used to be a miner and they only hired races with darkvision so they could save the money used in torches/light sources. Can you help me with some more, /tg/?
Anonymous
>>14786897 I was thinking more of 80's businessmen, but what sells, sells.
Anonymous
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Orcs are master chefs, since they have to work with poor ingredients and yet still pump out food that can satisfy their best warriors. Dwarves are alcohol intolerant, and brew alcohol only as an export good. Elves are carnivores. No, not omnivores-- CARNIVORES. They refuse to eat plant matter because of their respect for nature.
Anonymous
>>14786890 >>14786915 Thank you, that's great setting-wise, but I was thinking more of actual situations or particular NPCs, not whole races.
Anonymous
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>>14786546 mfw this happened to my character in the campaign I'm currently in.
Anonymous
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>>14786930 A dwarf coffeebrewer. Believes that Drawfs shouldn't drink during work hours in case they mess up
Anonymous
>>14786930 An aged dwarf warrior who wears ornate heavy plate mail, wields an ancestral two-handed axe... and runs at the first sign of combat because he doesn't want to get his gear scuffed up.
A Legolas ripoff who throws shit-caked darts because he's too poor to afford a bow.
A group of bearded, grizzled and well-fed mercenaries whose motto is "RATIONS NOT RAZORS!"
Anonymous
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creepy foreign count living in castle alone. he sleeps on the soil of his homeland, his shadow moves independently of him and he shuns the sun... naturally he is just a patriotic sorcerer who uses shadowmagic which is weak in dierect light. no worries, he is a gentle guy. I pulled this on my players. it did not ent well heeh heeh heeh heeeeeeh
Anonymous
>>14786654 >An elf needs to prove his manhood by descending into the underdark and kidnapping a drow village. >kidnapping a drow village. >>14786765 To be honest, giving a dragon VoP sounds like a way to massively cockblock your players financial aspirations.
>And with the dragon slain, you go deeper into its lair, expecting to find treasure.....only to find nothing, no matter how good a search check any of you makes. There is no treasure, this dragon had the Vow of Poverty..... >All the players ragequit immediately, and are never seen again. Anonymous
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>>14786951 An Orc Bathhouse owner, overly obsessed with grooming
Anonymous
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A tribe of short skinny barbarians who survive trough agriculture and pursue peaceful relations with their neighbors. Also they are deeply religious and their religion is deeply pacifistic. Honor isnt a big deal to them either.
Anonymous
>>14786961 Of course it'd be apparent way before they fight the dragon. You don't just pull that shit ouf of nowhere after the dragon is dead, and if I were to use it, I'd try to have them not really fight the dragon.
Like someone hires them to retrieve treasure from the evil hoarding dragon, but they find out the dragon now vowed to poverty and gave all the gold and items to some kind of charity.
Anonymous
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A lich that runs a library. Not a repository of arcane tomes, just your average library. He seem quite fond of his job, seeing as he's had it for 130 years. A group of halflings who live a spartan existence, and fight with grim determination.
Anonymous
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>>14786986 I suggest meeting a group of pilgrims from a local church who've just been conversing with the dragon on the way to his lair.
Anonymous
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Roaming teetotaler Jehovah's Witness dorf biker gangs. They also shave. Tribe of catpeople troubled by loose-moralled humans moving in that keep wanting to have sex with them.
Anonymous
A settlement of peaceful goblins being raided by a group of macho elves. A necromancer who treats his minions like dear companions and would rather die than see them get hurt. A mind flayer takes over a town; everyone seems to be mindcontrolled, but they really just love the guy and just act drowsily because all of them suffer from chronic sleeping disorder.
Anonymous
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the dragon informs them that he has taken a vow of poverty, and is "enlightened" He directs them to xxx who kindly took away his horde in exchange for leaving him alone.
Anonymous
A bard hit his head, and forgot how to play his harp. He asks the players to help him relearn it. Catch: The bard can only speak in rhyming lyrics. A barbarian wants to be more civilized, buy him a tea set and have afternoon tea with him. Catch: If you fail to convince him, he berzerks and decapitates the players.
Anonymous
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>>14787036 >but they really just love the guy and just act drowsily because all of them suffer from chronic sleeping disorder. I laughed. Most excellent!
Anonymous
>>14787046 >decapitate players you heard him. kill your friends
Anonymous
A legitimately, democratically-elected vampire, whose spawn serve as his cabinet members. He asks the PCs to drive off a group of clerics trying to restore the previous duke of the town using propaganda and guilt-tripping.
Anonymous
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>>14787053 I'mokaywiththis.jpg
Anonymous
>>14787071 Even better, make the town really prosperous and crime free, so it makes no sense to get rid of him.
Command Squad !8CHDJ3c6tQ
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The leader of a group of magi can make people vanish into mid air, teleport at will, and other fantastical things. He's actually a magicial in the house-ticks way. Trap doors, mirrors, and smoke. There is no way for the PC that finds this out to prove otherwise. He's just too good.
Anonymous
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>>14787139 "Behave or i will SAHK YUR BLAAD."
No-one really understood the last part but assume it would be worse than the whippings the last ruler used as punishment.
Of course there's also the citizen of the month reward, entailing to around 300 gold pieces.
Anonymous
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>>14787071 Do you know why I'm called the Count?
Because I had someone from the next town over triple-check the votes, by hand. After all, we couldn't have anyone thinking I was untrustworthy! I'd hate that.
Anonymous
Every character on this list. NPC or otherwise. <-------
Anonymous
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An Ithilid Overmind that suffers from a massive headache. He just wants everyone to be quiet and sends his minions to find a cure for him. But since Ithilids aren't welcome customers there's a constant ruckus from complaining henchmen and overzealous Adventurers. All he needs is a gigantic aspirin. Claustrophobic dwarves, agoraphobic elves. Party follows old legends about an ancient treasure of enormous proportions only to find it was found, recovered and put into a quite nice little exhibit in a nearby town. The legends and rumors are just a campaign to draw in tourists. As soon as the players are identified as adventurers they are swarmed by street vendors, orphans and animal handlers who want to sell them utter crap. "It's the Big Toe of Vecna! only 100GP" "This is a genuine Night Mare fresh from the nine hells......no it's dripping tar not paint". Also all prices suddenly skyrocket. "Huh? No a Beer always cost 5 GP, not CP. I just cant write a G." "No I didn't just write another zero! Ask Stan here, the rope always costs 100 Copper doesnt't it, Stan? It's special...elven rope!"
Anonymous
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Nomadic bear bee-farmers come to town to peddle their wares. They are very peaceful and agreeable but the town magistrate wants them to leave because their swarm of bees is irritating the locals. A titan sits on a nearby mountaintop as you enter the town. The local community is in a fervor. He has realized he is not a bad swordsman, he's just blind as a bat. So he has commissioned them to make him a pair of glasses so that he can be on his way. Unfortunately, there isn't enough glass in the entire town. A ancient and mystic bard controls the most powerful magics any can muster... But he can only channel them through an immobile pipe organ.
Anonymous
>>14787288 Even though some are way too silly, there's gold to be found there! Thank you for that image, kind sir
Anonymous
>>14787288 >>14787374 #20 must be named Fred.
Anonymous
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>>14787288 >125 You used to be a frog but you were cursed by a witch and turned into a human. This is the greatest thing ever.
Anonymous
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>>14787406 I seriously love the barber elf idea, when I was skimming through the options it stood out immediately. Fuck, I am SO putting this into the campaign. I am now hoping someone makes a dwarf.
Anonymous
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A barbarian with a theme song, dammit.
Anonymous
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>>14787406 Surely Sweeny would be more appropriate?
Anonymous
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Sweeny, the Sylvan Scoundrel of Stoneguarde... He strikes in the night, when not a victim can see him coming, lowlight vision be damned. Before you can blink an eye a knife is at your throat! And when he is done, you'll wish he had slit it when he had the chance. He'll leave you deformed and scarred, forever to bear the mark of shame.
Anonymous
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A thirty-man choir of bards, all of whom specialize in playing kazoo. An awakened horse paladin. The armored guy riding him is just his groom. Richard Stallman in wizard form, complete with an open license system for scrolls and spellbooks. "Magic wants to be free!"
Anonymous
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A dwarven dentist who kills beaties to study their teef. An elven cleric who forgets which god he's supposed to worship. A barbarian cannibal who's addicted to pancreases. A paladin version of Shaquille O'Niel, who demands that he be known as "The Shaqorcist."
Anonymous
>>14787288 Bumping just to point out how awesome an awakened deck of cards familiar is.
Anonymous
>>14788131 Isn't it? I like the idea of also making it your spell book. Would be awesome.
Anonymous
>>14788186 I wonder if you'd be able to have a Tiny Animated Object from level 1, or if it'd need Improved Familiar... They're weaker than hawks, which are default familiars, but they're not animals...
Anonymous
>>14788252 Pretty sure animated object familiars are totally allowed. In Unearthed Arcana if I recall.
Anonymous
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>>14788131 Thanks for the bump. When I made the thread it went for like 2 hours with any reply, and I thought it'd die, but lo and behold here it is!
Thanks everyone for their contributions!
Anonymous
>>14788286 There was something about item familiars, but those were magical items, which a deck of cards is not. I might be thinking of the wrong thing, though.
Anonymous
>>14788286 >>14788310 Just checked, it doesn't say that it can't be an artifact.
Anonymous
>>14788448 "This is my familiar, the Eye of Vecna".
Anonymous
>>14788470 "This is my familair, Nihil, the awakened Orb of Annihilation. Yeah, don't listen to him too long. It's really depressing."
Anonymous
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My one and only bump.
Anonymous
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>>14788529 >awakened Orb of Annihilation
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Bump for awesomeness
Anonymous
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A legendary stone, that whatever strikes it can never be pulled out. A big man stands in the middle of the road holding a bag. When you approach he says the entrance fee is 20 silver. If you pay he opens the bag and lets you crawl in. There is a pocket dimension where it is always night and there's a huge festival going on.