/tg/ - Traditional Games » Thread #16196884

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136KiB, 1280x800, Avitus1.jpg

Anonymous !!dLUhj2yYgMt Tue 06 Sep 2011 03:32:00 No.16196884 View View Reply Original Report

Quoted By:

According to this picture space marines have a sense of humor and joke around.

So /tg/ what kind of jokes do space marines tell each other?

Not LongPoster...

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO Waldorf and Statler.jpg, 21KiB, 450x370

Not LongPoster... Tue 06 Sep 2011 08:20:00 No.16200045 Report

Quoted By: >>16200061 >>16200571

I've got this mental image of two old Space Marines (probably Dreadnoughts) who snark at the antics of everyone around them.

Pic related.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 06 Sep 2011 08:21:00 No.16200061 Report

Quoted By: >>16200098

>>16200045
>Statnaught and Waldread
Awesome.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 06 Sep 2011 08:26:00 No.16200098 Report

Quoted By:

>>16200061

"Brother Statler, be vigilant! I hear Noise Marines nearby!"
"No, Brother Waldorf, that is the Tenth Company singing hymns!"
"DO HO HO HO HO!"

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 06 Sep 2011 08:31:00 No.16200143 Report

Quoted By:

>why are guardsmen so hard to kill?
I don't know, why?
>The commissar always gets to them first

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 06 Sep 2011 08:37:00 No.16200199 Report

Quoted By: >>16200266

>What's the difference between a foul, xeno, tau child, and an onion?
I don't cry when I cut up tau children.

>How many heritic does it take to paint a wall?
It depends on how hard you through them.

>What's the difference between a bucket of shit, and a filthy heritic?
The bucket.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 06 Sep 2011 08:38:00 No.16200216 Report

Quoted By:

I have made the inhuman noise of laughter.

God-Emperor of Mankind

God-Emperor of Mankind Tue 06 Sep 2011 08:43:00 No.16200252 Report

Quoted By:

On Board an Ultramarine Battle barge.
"Sir, we've encountered an Iron Hands fleet."
"Good prepare for combat."
"No sir, the Iron Hands are on our side. You're thinking Iron Warriors."
"Really I could have sworn it was the other way around."
"It matters not sire, The Alpha Legion and the Emperor's children have shown up."
"Good Focus all fire on the alpha legion, let us aid our Brothers."
"I beg your Pardon sir, but the Emperor's Children are the enemy as well."
"Are you kidding? With a name like that! You can't get anymore loyalist!"
"Sir The Flesh Tearer's have shown up!"
"Has the Emperor abandoned us?"
"No sir they are on our side."
"You've got to be kidding me! That just SOUNDS heretical, next you'll be telling me the Blood Drinkers our on our side as well!"
"..."
"Really? Ok what about the Dark Angles?"
"Ours..."
"And the Word Bearers...?"
"Theirs."
"This is so confusing."
"Sir it really doesn't matter we have to engage the enemy."
"Right target the Iron Warriors, they are the closest."
"Iron Hands you mean?"
"Right shoot them first."

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 06 Sep 2011 08:45:00 No.16200265 Report

Quoted By:

>>16197442
I read that in a steryotypical Russian accent. It was glorious.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 06 Sep 2011 08:45:00 No.16200266 Report

Quoted By:

>>16200199
>how many heritics does it take to paint a wall?
It depends on how hard you throw them

fixed

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 06 Sep 2011 08:47:00 No.16200293 Report

Quoted By:

I wonder if any marine went through an observational humor faze.

>What's the deal with all these Black Crusades? Abbadon always retreats and he's not even black

>For that matter, what's he despoiling? He doesn't even have any arms.

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO Warhammer_40k_Space_Marine_by_ol (...).jpg, 63KiB, 900x601

Anonymous Tue 06 Sep 2011 08:48:00 No.16200299 Report

Quoted By:

"Say, battle-brother, what do you do when you see thirty dead xenos?"

"I know not, battle-brother."

"Stop laughing and reload!"

Anonymous

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Anonymous Tue 06 Sep 2011 08:52:00 No.16200321 Report

Quoted By:

Alpha Marine jokes are the best.

>So the Emperor walks into a bar... But it turns out the place was really dead.

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO guardsman.gif, 27KiB, 262x300

Anonymous Tue 06 Sep 2011 08:52:00 No.16200326 Report

Quoted By:

A guardsman, an arbites, and a techpriest are about to be executed for heresy. The commissar points his lasgun at the guardsman's head, pulls the trigger, and nothing happens. "A sign from the Emperor!" declares a chaplain, and the guardsman is released.

Next, the commissar points his gun at the arbites, pulls the trigger, and nothing happens. "A sign from the Emperor!" declares the chaplain again, and the arbites is released.

Next, as the commissar points his weapon at the techpriest, the techpriest declares, "You know, I think I see you're problem there."

...

And then everyone is executed, just to be sure.

Salathiel: !kKfXkbZswM

Salathiel: !kKfXkbZswM Tue 06 Sep 2011 08:52:00 No.16200328 Report

Quoted By:

"Know what you'd call the Cadians if they succumb to the ruinous powers?"
"Heretics!"

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 06 Sep 2011 08:53:00 No.16200336 Report

Quoted By:

By the Emperor, some one archive this thread.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 06 Sep 2011 08:55:00 No.16200349 Report

Quoted By:

>A Dark Angel and a Space Wolf were walking in the park on Nova VII.

>But the Dark Angel was told he had to keep his dog off the grass.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 06 Sep 2011 08:58:00 No.16200380 Report

Quoted By:

>Meanwhile in GK base
>Venerable Dreadnought, tell us a joke!
>Battle Sister's rights, incorruptibility and faith in the emperor.

Laughter ensues.

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO chaos marine.jpg, 108KiB, 700x690

Anonymous Tue 06 Sep 2011 08:59:00 No.16200383 Report

Quoted By:

"I say, battle-brother, did you hear about the Alpha Legion heretic who captured a squad of Space Wolves?"

"Why no, I have not, battle-brother."

"Indeed! he threatened to release one every hour if his demands were not met!"

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 06 Sep 2011 09:01:00 No.16200403 Report

Quoted By: >>16200510

Anyone want to post the story where the GK borrow a bunch of suits of terminator armor from different chapters just to take out human rebels and they don't repaint them so it looks like they are attacking with 30 or so chapters?

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 06 Sep 2011 09:02:00 No.16200409 Report

Quoted By:

>Did you hear about the dyslexic Ogryn? Turns out he's cross eyed.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 06 Sep 2011 09:02:00 No.16200413 Report

Quoted By:

>>16197173
he was never seen again

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 06 Sep 2011 09:05:00 No.16200445 Report

Quoted By:

>Did you hear about that Kharne the Betrayer?

>Turns out, he's a real asshole.

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO sororitas.jpg, 19KiB, 300x400

Anonymous Tue 06 Sep 2011 09:06:00 No.16200455 Report

Quoted By:

"Battle-brother, what does one call one million dead xenos?"

"I cannot say, battle-brother."

"A good start!"

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 06 Sep 2011 09:07:00 No.16200473 Report

Quoted By:

How many tech priests does it take to screw in a light bulb?

...

It depends on how many came to the task.

Anonymous

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Anonymous Tue 06 Sep 2011 09:08:00 No.16200482 Report

Quoted By:

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 06 Sep 2011 09:10:00 No.16200500 Report

Quoted By:

The Rave'n Guard walk into a bar...

UNZ UNZ UNZ UNZ UNZ UNZ

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1246942128029.jpg, 74KiB, 350x350

Anonymous Tue 06 Sep 2011 09:11:00 No.16200510 Report

Quoted By:

>>16200403
Bumping for this story.

Anonymous

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Anonymous Tue 06 Sep 2011 09:12:00 No.16200516 Report

Quoted By: >>16200526

Anonymous

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Anonymous Tue 06 Sep 2011 09:12:00 No.16200526 Report

Quoted By: >>16200532

>>16200516

That Guy !CrwtTbFNxQ

That Guy !CrwtTbFNxQ Tue 06 Sep 2011 09:12:00 No.16200527 Report

Quoted By:

What's juicy, red, and hangs from a tree?
A Heretic!

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Orange.
Orange, who?
Orange you glad you're not a Heretic?

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO eldar.jpg, 621KiB, 1248x1769

Anonymous Tue 06 Sep 2011 09:13:00 No.16200530 Report

Quoted By:

"Battle-brother, did you hear about the Eldar Warlock who walked into a wall with an erection?"

"No, battle-brother, I confess I have not."

"Indeed. He broke his nose."

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1303488383964.jpg, 149KiB, 360x960

Anonymous Tue 06 Sep 2011 09:13:00 No.16200532 Report

Quoted By:

>>16200526

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO World_Bearer.jpg, 112KiB, 453x709

Anonymous Tue 06 Sep 2011 09:15:00 No.16200552 Report

Quoted By:

"Battle-brother, what do you call a dead heretic?"

"Pray tell, battle-brother."

"Trustworthy."

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 06 Sep 2011 09:15:00 No.16200553 Report

Quoted By:

So a dyslexic Dark Angel walks into a gay bar...

That Guy !CrwtTbFNxQ

That Guy !CrwtTbFNxQ Tue 06 Sep 2011 09:16:00 No.16200556 Report

Quoted By:

What's the difference between a Heretic and a pizza?
A pizza won't tell you filthy lies!

How do you make copper wire?
Throw a penny in between two Blood Ravens!

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO venerable_criticae.jpg, 146KiB, 1024x768

Anonymous Tue 06 Sep 2011 09:17:00 No.16200571 Report

Quoted By: >>16200588 >>16200607

>>16200045
40,000 hours in mspaint

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 06 Sep 2011 09:18:00 No.16200588 Report

Quoted By:

>>16200571
"You call the a warband?"
"I've seen tougher rubber bands!"
GRAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1298403792684.jpg, 12KiB, 294x294

Anonymous Tue 06 Sep 2011 09:20:00 No.16200607 Report

Quoted By:

>>16200571

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO tyranid.jpg, 26KiB, 495x328

Anonymous Tue 06 Sep 2011 09:21:00 No.16200616 Report

Quoted By:

"Battle-brother, how many xenos does it take to wallpaper one's chambers?"

"I have no idea, battle-brother."

"Two, if the are sliced thinly enough."

That Guy !CrwtTbFNxQ

That Guy !CrwtTbFNxQ Tue 06 Sep 2011 09:24:00 No.16200662 Report

Quoted By:

What do you call when the prophylactic breaks and she doesn't get pregnant?
A Glancing Hit!

Why was the blonde Eldar called Open Topped?
Because it was easy to get a Penetrating Hit in!

What's the difference between an Blood Raven and an Ork?
The Ork won't steal your shit.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 06 Sep 2011 09:29:00 No.16200714 Report

Quoted By:

"A query, battle-brother; how does one double the value of a landspeeder?"

"Tell me, battle-brother."

"Fill it with promethium."

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 06 Sep 2011 09:30:00 No.16200726 Report

Quoted By:

Wolf Lord Ragnar Blackmane appeared to be dragged along the battlefield behind a rhino. When the Iron Priest examined the problem, he discovered that the Rhino was fused to the Wolf Lord's power armor codpiece.

He said, "My lord Blackmane, how did you come to have this Rhino fused to your codpiece?"

Blackmane replied "I don't know, but it's drivin' me nuts!"

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 06 Sep 2011 09:33:00 No.16200753 Report

Quoted By:

"How many space marines does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

1. He just holds onto it, and the entire fucking universe revolves around him.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 06 Sep 2011 09:37:00 No.16200796 Report

Quoted By:

"Brother Larrion's armor is making that hissing sound again."
"Is it? Tell him to pull the ripper off the bottom of his boot."

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 06 Sep 2011 09:40:00 No.16200825 Report

Quoted By:

Captain Sicarius was wandering through Tallarn when he discovers an ancient relic.

When he picked it up, a vision of a Sainted Sister appears. She said "To reward your service, The Emperor will grant you three wishes."

Sicarius thought and said, "I wish that I were an Ultramarine, that all other chapters wished they were Ultramarines, and that all space marines looked to Marneus Calgar as their spiritual liege."

The Sainted Sister said, "Captain Sicarius, you already are an Ultramarine, all other chapters already wish they were Ultramarines, and Marneus Calgar already IS their Spiritual Liege."

Sicarius was puzzled for a moment and then said, "Oh, well... Then I'll just have a coke."

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 06 Sep 2011 09:42:00 No.16200853 Report

Quoted By: >>16201064

- Battle brother, do you know the difference between a Blood Raven and a Tyranid?
- Well, yes, one is a space marine and the oth-
- For the sake of humour, battle brother.
- Oh, I see. No, brother, I do not.
- The Tyrand will only steal your genes.

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 03-big.jpg, 112KiB, 593x702

Anonymous Tue 06 Sep 2011 09:43:00 No.16200857 Report

Quoted By:

*PUNCH*

STOP LAUGHING

*PUNCH PUNCH PUNCH*

ALL OF YOU STOP LAUGHING

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 06 Sep 2011 09:58:00 No.16201033 Report

Quoted By:

"Say Battle-Brother, Do you wish to hear a joke?"
"Why, yes Battle-Brother, I would like that"
"The Imperial Guard"

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 06 Sep 2011 10:01:00 No.16201064 Report

Quoted By:

>>16200853
>- For the sake of humor, battle brother.
>- Oh, I see...

This is actually what joking with a space marine would be like

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 06 Sep 2011 10:03:00 No.16201098 Report

Quoted By:

"Come brothers, we're needed at the front."
"I'd prefer to go to the back. That implies we survived the front and kept going."

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