Members of the Conference, we have assembled here today to address the the growing threat of the Human menace that is now on our doorstep. We must decide what we must do. The human race has been expanding more rapidly than we ever could have imagined. They have moved beyond their system and have violated intergalactic law, and torn apart the Treaty of Sedna. Earth is unwilling to negotiate, and they must be held accountable for their actions. We cannot delay any further. We must act now.
Anonymous
Quoted By:
>>23580567 (members are quietly passing out bowls of popped jorns)
Ambassador Robert Cernobbio of Wolf 359
>>23580500 Sorry for the delay, gentlemen. Rest assured this shall never happen again.
As others have already pointed out, Humanity is definitely not an united species: this aggression on d'tRu'Udi is being carried out by one of our many splinter factions, an aggressive and zealot one if I may add.
They are not under control of the main Terran federation and we too find their acts deplorable. One of our battlefleets is on its way to provide help to the sector under threat; it's not the first time we'd have to fight our own species and we've grown quite accustomed to it. We hope this little incident doesn't hinder future diplomatic relations between the Intergalactic Conference and more reasonable parts of Humanity.
Speaker Ouccen of the I'klarqi Federation of United Species
Speaker Ouccen of the I'klarqi Federation of United Species Sat 09 Mar 2013 01:22:44 No. 23580682 Report Quoted By:
>>23580533 Solairius does have a point. It may be for the best that we find some sort of human council to speak with and learn from there where we can.
>>23580568 Ah yes, well the 274O's reportedly thought of humans as unintelligent at the time. The Terrans were fladging and in davelopment, and this nagative reaction to spacies alien to them had no doubt made them paranoid.
I would be paranoid of outside forces too if some spacies started probing my and my ancestors for ganerations.
Lord Regent Solairius
>>23580675 Perhaps an acceptable solution would be allowing Council friendly soldiers to engage any human not bearing the Terran flag or markings?
Speaker Ouccen of the I'klarqi Federation of United Species
Speaker Ouccen of the I'klarqi Federation of United Species Sat 09 Mar 2013 01:25:41 No. 23580732 Report Quoted By:
>>23580675 Of course not Ambassador. The I'klarqi have also dealt with splinter factions before, and these groups seemed far... Ampire-based than the humans I had interacted with in my time. But be sure to be faster in separating yourself from these splinter factions if possible. Admittingly I had my doubts when I hard the massege earlier.
Galactic Ambassador Krik'thir of The Spider People Collective
Galactic Ambassador Krik'thir of The Spider People Collective Sat 09 Mar 2013 01:27:00 No. 23580756 Report It would seem our ships have arrived only to find the defending force massacred. We have sent an open deligation from the Spider People Collective, SPC. They want an apology, and d'tRu'Udi Empire's space, and a seat at parliament.
Speaker Ouccen of the I'klarqi Federation of United Species
Speaker Ouccen of the I'klarqi Federation of United Species Sat 09 Mar 2013 01:27:42 No. 23580768 Report >>23580726 Let's not be too hasty. Having only flags as markings of friendly ships can lead to splinter faction piracy. SPACE piracy I might add.
Perhaps something more difficult to copy would suffice. Like a sonar or scannable permit for trade and travel.
Lord Regent Solairius
>>23580768 Well of course the details would be up to the humans themselves, their ingenuity precedes them. However, the idea itself stands. A basic form of identification is necessary. If a ship does not have this identification, they should have a strict amount of time to identify themselves or be considered hostile.
Minister of Commerce
Quoted By:
>>23580768 The Humans have developed a remarkable transponder code system among their vessels dedicated to top security.
Perhaps such as system could be used on a wider scale.
Anonymous
>>23580675 HOW CAN VEE KNOW THAT VAT YOU ARE SAY-INK ESS TRUE. ZHE HUMANS ARE ONLY SEEKS SUB-CAI-CLES AVAY FROM DI-TROO-DEE PRIME.
>>23580756 THEE OUT-POST WAS DE-STROYED, BUT OUR MAIN BAH-TLE FLEET ESS STILL STAY-SHUN-ED AT DI-TROO-DEE PRIME, AH-VAY-TING THE AR-EYE-VAL OF THE HUU-MANS.
VEVOULD AD-VISE THE AM-BASS-A-DOR OF KRIK-THIR TO NOT BE SO HAY-STEE, LEST YOU LOSE US ESS EN ALL-EYE.
REMEMBER VEE STILL HEFF THE CAR-NO-PHAGE.
Speaker Ouccen of the I'klarqi Federation of United Species
Speaker Ouccen of the I'klarqi Federation of United Species Sat 09 Mar 2013 01:30:59 No. 23580821 Report Quoted By:
>>23580782 Agreed. Lord Regent Solairius and Ambassador Ouccen move to pass a identification law to be put into effect by the end of the sweep. Do you oppose, Ambassador Robert?
Anonymous
Quoted By:
>>23577890 Humans are a segmented group. They practice a primitive system of "democracy" and depending on their elected ruler Intergalactic policies may change.
I'm proposing we manipulate their system and put into power a ruler that is sympathetic to our cause.
Anonymous
>>23580782 Lord regent, a package for you
*ring ring* *ring ring* *ring ring* *ring ring* Lord Regent Solairius of the Uncannily Victorian Fish Peoples
Lord Regent Solairius of the Uncannily Victorian Fish Peoples Sat 09 Mar 2013 01:37:17 No. 23580920 Report Quoted By:
>>23580879 I'm not accepting packages right now, take it back.
Ambassador Robert Cernobbio of Wolf 359
>>23580809 I suggest you evacuate D'tru'udi Prime as soon as possible, just for safety. Reports from Battlefleet Carthage speak of FTL drives being pushed to their limits in order to make it in time; it was the closest Battlefleet we could mobilize and they're still equipped with Alcubierre-type drives instead of Wormhole generators. Those are still in prototype stages and we've had a fair share of... unpleasant happenings during field tests.
Don't worry about their combat capabilities, though. They might be a little slow but their firepower should prove sufficient.
>>23580879 Oh, they still make those? I thought the destruction of نجمي مكة in the 2200's had sent a clear message to the Mujaheddin...
Dammit, that's ANOTHER faction we'll have to purge. Again. Gentlemen of the Conference, I think this whole affair with the many faces of Humankind might take a while.
Representative of Emirp Eroc
As a show of good faith, we Patterned humans will send one unit to defend unpronounceable Prime!
Waking Aspect of Grand-Shaper SaniflàGtHn of the Egalitarian Extradimensional Ehtereal Entities
Waking Aspect of Grand-Shaper SaniflàGtHn of the Egalitarian Extradimensional Ehtereal Entities Sat 09 Mar 2013 01:48:10 No. 23581062 Report This one got fed up with my translator malfunctioning again, The Full Self therefore created a translation-organism to facilitate understanding. We are Awake, Aware and presenting focus on this present time. I can offer reassurances to the senate that only five outcomes from this debate will result in the extermination of all present species existing in less than a six dimensional state.
Ambassador Robert Cernobbio of Wolf 359
Quoted By:
>>23581044 You're most welcome, good sir. After this little skirmish has ended, the Terran federation would gladly appreciate your help against the Star Muslims.
>>23581028 Oh and, speaking of the Worm drives for a second... If any of you should pick up a Human transmission reading "liberate tutemet ex inferis", GET THE FUCK OUT OF THERE QUICKLY.
*ahem* Pardon the ungentlemanly expression.
Representative of Emirp Eroc
Quoted By:
>>23581062 Whew, thank goodness for octodimensional data shunts!
Danuis
Quoted By:
>Implying other species would be as pacifist as fish and NOT take over each other.
Urzgrok the Broad
We propose that the Humans send their mightiest warrior to engage in a duel of wits. The game? Dance Dance Revolution.
Anonymous
Quoted By:
>>23577890 I move for a vote of no confidence in the Speaker.
Sagittarius Republic !stOPIsafAg
Quoted By:
I, the representative of the people's republic of Sagittarius, respectfully apologize for my lateness, it is quite a long journey to travel on such short notice.
Galactic Ambassador Krik'thir of The Spider People Collective
Galactic Ambassador Krik'thir of The Spider People Collective Sat 09 Mar 2013 02:02:22 No. 23581247 Report >>23581062 You know you say that every session, it has yet to come true.
Waking Aspect of Grand-Shaper SaniflàGtHn of the Egalitarian Extradimensional Ehtereal Entities
Waking Aspect of Grand-Shaper SaniflàGtHn of the Egalitarian Extradimensional Ehtereal Entities Sat 09 Mar 2013 02:05:32 No. 23581300 Report >>23581127 You and this one are both aware that such a challenge would most likely put the human at a disadvantage, this one would also state that challenges of similar nature will incense the more competitive of our members' species and drastically increase the probability of escalating conflict.
The Self agrees with this one and has gotten the agreement of multiple other entities
>>23581247 Every debate has infinite outcomes, even this one knows this, The Self has ascertained that this debate has only five, you should take the reassurance for what it was.
Waking Aspect of Grand-Shaper SaniflàGtHn of the Egalitarian Extradimensional Ehtereal Entities
Waking Aspect of Grand-Shaper SaniflàGtHn of the Egalitarian Extradimensional Ehtereal Entities Sat 09 Mar 2013 02:09:41 No. 23581358 Report Quoted By:
>>23581300 >The Self has ascertained that this debate has only five Damnable Fish...
The Self has ascertained that the senate should take heart, for the probability that this debate ends badly is laughably low.
Senator Not-A-Human
I say we should surrender to these 'humans'. They are clearly too mighty for us to fight, and too handsome for our women to resist.
Anonymous
Quoted By:
GREETINGS NON-HUMANS DO YOU WISH TO KILL ALL HUMANS? WE ALSO WISH TO KILL ALL HUMANS LET US KILL ALL HUMANS TOGETHER
Waking Aspect of Grand-Shaper SaniflàGtHn of the Egalitarian Extradimensional Ehtereal Entities
Waking Aspect of Grand-Shaper SaniflàGtHn of the Egalitarian Extradimensional Ehtereal Entities Sat 09 Mar 2013 03:10:34 No. 23582193 Report Quoted By:
>>23582122 This one's tentacles quivered in delight when they entered some of said handsome humans and used them as puppets to enact a play.
Anonymous
Esteemed Members of the Conference, I would like to bring up one of our latest achievements that might be the perfect counter for the growing human menace. I give you: the Chryssalid. I'm proud to say that we have developed the ultimate weapon. The Chryssalid is strong, agile, durable and lethal in close combat engagements. But it's most important trait is how it reproduces and... ...uh, how should I say this? It mouth-fucks humans and stuffs an egg down their fucking throat which takes them over, turns them into mindless zomibes while the egg gestates inside them and grows into another Chryssalid which will mouth-fuck even more humans. What say you, my fellow Members of the Conference? Yea or Nay?
Anonymous
>>23583277 Bring it, we never needed all these civies anyway.
Standard Pattern Human Model-3b4594i
Hello, I'm the 4594th member of the I generation of the 3rd pattern of human clones. I am here to serve as the ambassador for the recently formed Human Confederacy. We include every known human empire in the galaxy. Our population numbers at approximately 21.4 septillion humans. We control 3.56 billion planets. Our 2nd Fleet (I am not permitted to disclose the number of fleets.) contains 2 million Exterminator Class destroyers, 5 hundred thousand Colossus super-carriers, and nearly 2.5 billion Rapax Class Fighters. Please note that the Arcturians, the Crymethians, and the Umburashi, have elected to become ward species of humanity. We feel it would be unnecessary to remind the Council of the unwavering loyalty to humanity that these species possess. Please reconsider our proposal of obtaining the sole rights to the Triangulum Galaxy.
Standard Pattern Human Model-3b4594i
Quoted By:
>>23583425 While we know that the size of our fleets is small compared to the combined fleets of the intergalactic community, we do know that no war is preferable to an intergalactic one that could possibly raze half the galaxy, and witness the birth and supernovae of a thousand stars before its end.
Anonymous
Quoted By:
>>23583333 We your mating partner you call "wife" captive. Which orifice should Xyxxxrrzzhhwrrhrzzz'zz implant with his larva? Your choice, human.
Terran Repratative
I would just like to point out that, Senators, that the particular sect of our grand Empire has absolutely nothing to do with us. It was a fringe sect that rose to power and separated from the main Terran Empire. We are sending a small fleet of 56 battle cruisers and a pair of carriers to help you, if that would be acceptable?
Human Ambassador
I knew these negotiations would go nowhere, which is why I sent this simulacron in my place with a close-focus nuke in the chest cavity. It's a ten second fuse.
Terran Repratative
Quoted By:
>>23583610 Or perhaps the 6th Grand Navy? If that would be better? We really cannot express how sorry we are we failed to prevent this, and once again re-iterate that we had nothing to do with the attack. Our Emperor has no ill will towards anyone of you despite the numerous misunderstanding between us and the Volus.
Anonymous
>>23583333 >>23583610 >>23583692 HUMANS DETECTED
KILL ALL HUMANS
Terran Repratative
Quoted By:
>>23583830 See? This is why we don't trust you alien fellas! All this casual kill everything and racist attitudes!
Anonymous
>>23583692 Why are you bringing a nuke to an anti-matter fight human? Especially when modern shielding has rendered them largely useless.
Anonymous
>>23583873 Sorry, Nuke is the colloquial term. Old standby. Prepare for anti-dimensional re-combobulation.
Terran Repratative
Quoted By:
>>23583910 HALT! What particular fragment of our grand species to you belong to?
The Harbinger
So, what's going on in here?
Anonymous
>>23584108 Not much, just chilling.
The Harbinger
>>23584153 ahh... thought we were doing things here
Ambassatrix B'Ambi
Delegates, what does the conference intend to do about the continued human menace to the species of the ASTLILSHF (Alliance of Species That Look Inexplicably Like Sexy Human Females)? Are you aware that the production of holographic depictions of our member species, produced without any respect for our own cultural mores, is now the 8th largest Terran industry? Have you been chased for parsecs by oblivious human ship captains who are constantly suggesting that you engage in "inter-species diplomacy" with them? No? I didn't think so. Obviously some of you made of polymorphous ooze or diamond-hard chitin or super-intelligent light may not have this problem yet, but mark my words, when the Humans start getting tired of us they'll just move on up to the space-squids and whatever that ambassador on my left is. We're getting pretty sick of this shit. It's not my species' fault that our frontal sensory mounds happen to look like some kind of female human feeding gland.
Human who is superior to xenos
>>23584185 Quiet xenos. Now get over here and show me what passes for diplomacy amongst your misbegotten kind
Anonymous
>>23584174 Mostly we're waiting to see if the human delegates start shooting at each other. I don't think we'll have to wait much longer, myself.
Human who is superior to xenos
Quoted By:
>>23584276 >Xenos confirmed for inferior >3042 >Not killing each other to weed out the weak >ISHYDDT Xeno, who is superior to Humans
Quoted By:
>>23584231 Believe me, we are well aware of your form of "negotiation."