If Gabe Newell ran a department store he'd be called Gabe Shoesale.
If Gabe Newell was Jewish bartender, he'd be called Gabe Jew Ale.
If Gabe Newell was a fruit, he'd be called Grape Newell.
If Gabe Newell was a clone, he'd be called Same Newell.
If Gabe Newell lived in the arctic, he'd be called Gabe Narwhal.
If Gabe Newell posted in this thread he'd be called Sage Newell.
If Gabe Newell wasn't fat, it'd be a Shame Nojoke.