/r9k2/ - Robot9001 (Oct. 2011 on)

[434 / 0 / ?]

9KiB, 296x222, ohglob.jpg

Embarrassment stories

Anonymous Fri 21 Jun 2013 05:48:26 No.7424191 View View Reply Original Report

Quoted By: >>7424229 >>7432016 >>7432640 >>7454113 >>7454555

Embarrassment stories

>be 15
>fappin to glorious manga comics one night
>go to bed
>wake up
>school
>home
>mother calls me downstairs
>she's on the computer
>she brought up my history
>Jpg img on screen of a guy with enormous cock bulging the woman's stomach
>she looks pregnant with guys cock inside her
>cum leaking out of her
>begging him to stop
>mfw
>anon I am disgusted

Super happy she didn't find the Futa comics

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 21 Jun 2013 05:53:15 No.7424229 Report

Quoted By: >>7424253 >>7457202

>>7424191
That comic sounds like my kind of reading. Happen to remember which one it was?

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 21 Jun 2013 05:55:47 No.7424253 Report

Quoted By:

>>7424229

nope
22 now

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 21 Jun 2013 06:35:55 No.7424695 Report

Quoted By:

bampin for stories

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO i feel you.jpg, 31KiB, 481x586

Anonymous Fri 21 Jun 2013 06:39:16 No.7424728 Report

Quoted By: >>7424835 >>7432016 >>7433407 >>7434691

>14 years old
>jerking off to a Final Fantasy game (yes)
>Mom calls from downstairs asking why I'm jumping on the bed
>realize my parents have been able to hear me fapping on my squeaky bed this whole time

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 21 Jun 2013 06:49:32 No.7424835 Report

Quoted By: >>7432036 >>7439830

>>7424728

dat cringe

>fighting with dad
>yelling at me to clean stuff up
>fix that
>vacuum this
>get pissed off and we fight
>storm to downstairs
>dad gets to downstairs door and yells
"AND I WANT MY.... videos BACK"
>mom found them in my drawer a week before and threw them away
>can't get dad his porn back

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 21 Jun 2013 10:02:10 No.7427448 Report

Quoted By:

Mighty bump

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 21 Jun 2013 10:17:31 No.7427589 Report

Quoted By: >>7428336 >>7432309

>be about 18
>riding a minibike around my yard to kill boredom
>2 hot girls are jogging by my house and I decide to show off to them
>I fly around the corner and go for a high speed pass when the chain falls off and gets caught in the sprocket
>I fly off the bike and tumble through the grass, the girls laughingly ask if im ok before going on there way
>Fucking cock blocked by a loose chain.

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1368305249733.gif, 970KiB, 250x250

Anonymous Fri 21 Jun 2013 10:31:09 No.7427716 Report

Quoted By: >>7441377

>7th grade
>pathetically weak
>try moving gymnst mat rolled up and stacked on other mats that's out of place
>Can't do it
>start pelvis thrusting to fit it into place
>It's working
>Asshole kid sees me
>"EVERYBODY ANON IS HUMPING THE MATS"
>Only 1 other kid believed him
>Everyone forgets by start of 8th grade year

That's the end of that chapter.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 21 Jun 2013 10:46:29 No.7427881 Report

Quoted By: >>7437474

>In Junior year (16-17)
>government class
>debates
>get assigned to population control
>I'm on the pro-pop control side
>discussions on why/how to control population
>I get up
>talk out my ass about something, not being clear at all
>teacher interrupts and asks
"so basically you're saying after every second child, everyone after should be put down"
>I couldn't back down from my position of population control
>look teacher straight in the eyes and say
"yes"
>class busts out laughing

Turned red, but looking back it's kinda funny.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 21 Jun 2013 10:52:53 No.7427939 Report

Quoted By: >>7433024 >>7442558 >>7456044

>be in 4th grade
>watching some stupid Veggie Tales movie
>have to go to the bathroom really bad, but teacher doesn't want too many people going to the bathroom
>already 4 other boys in the bathroom
>have to wait, but feel a really bad gas coming on
>start farting and shitting myself a little at a time
>as this is happening I'm running to the bathroom, crying because I could hear the class laughing as I'm running out of the room
>cry myself to sleep in the bathroom
>teacher comes in to get me
>get sent home early to change clothes and come back for recess later to continue on with the day

sage

sage Fri 21 Jun 2013 10:57:31 No.7427982 Report

>Grandparents live on "farm" and have a dam with a wharf
>They also have a tiny, frail, very old dog who they love dearly
>Dog is on the edge of wharf, nek minnit its fallen in
>ohshit.jpg, herewego.avi
>Run into the water clothes and all, start feeling around the bottom where the dog fell in
>Oh fuck its been under for too long
>Sneaky little bugger just swam under the wharf and hopped back on land, shook itself like nothing happened
>I get laughed at and smell like dirty dam water, have no change of clothes for rest of the day

Well at least we know who's ready to take action under pressure ya bunch of pansies

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO ohmygerd.jpg, 18KiB, 357x512

Anonymous Fri 21 Jun 2013 11:11:29 No.7428120 Report

Quoted By: >>7428142

>be the emcee with friend for a talent show
>all week friend suggest we practice
>wegotthisbro.exe
>practice a bit, plan on showing some of our own videos we've made
>find out we're not allowed to show one because it had an airsoft gun in a clip
>there goes 10 minutes
>no more time to look for acts to fill time
>end up telling jokes in front of 500 people for the 10 minutes
>no one laughs

Oh god, that memory was suppressed
Pretty sure I was a senior in highschool, everything went good until the end there.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 21 Jun 2013 11:13:27 No.7428142 Report

Quoted By:

>>7428120

an emcee is the host who introduces acts and people, for those of you who don't know.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 21 Jun 2013 11:38:06 No.7428336 Report

Quoted By:

>>7427589
>thinking that shit impresses girls
I always see guys showing off like that to me and my female friends and it's glaringly obvious what they're trying to do, that's why they laugh. It's pathetic. You would never sleep with them.
"Oh, wow, this kid riding a minibike is so hot and intersting!"

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 21 Jun 2013 15:06:26 No.7429669 Report

Quoted By:

Gimi your stories brobots

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 21 Jun 2013 20:11:29 No.7431542 Report

Quoted By:

>>7427982
/k/ here.

10/10 would operate with.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 21 Jun 2013 20:43:14 No.7431793 Report

Quoted By: >>7431834 >>7432540

>be at summer school
>don't fap for 3 weeks
>come back
>sister wants to hang out immediately
>"Dude come on, I leave at the end of the month!"
>really want to fap
>tell her in like an hour
>start rubbing one out
>feel amazing
>10 minutes in hear sister and one of her friends downstairs
>keep fapping
>oh god this is amazing
>about to cum
>door bursts open
>"ANON I BROUGHT SARAH!"
>turn around in shock
>cum explodes from my dick
>sister turns away in horror
>cum literally shoots a metre and hits Sarah on her boobs and all over her shirt.
>Sarah staring at me in utter shock
>"Oh my god anon, you are the worst younger brother in the world. What the fuck."
>clean up
>take a shower
>gotta go downstairs to get my clothes
>see Sarah
>so guilty, so much shame
>"It's okay Anon, I still like you"
>gives me a kiss on the cheek and goes back home.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 21 Jun 2013 20:49:05 No.7431834 Report

Quoted By:

>>7431793
too bad you invented this story

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 21 Jun 2013 20:59:02 No.7431887 Report

Quoted By: >>7441780

>be at 7th grade swimming carnival
>have poor vision, take off glasses to swim
>almost at the end, think I've lost so I stop swimming and wade/walk the rest of the way
>little do I know a kid with Downs syndrome is still competing
>he beats me
>I don't even realise because I'm blind
>get out of the water, everyone's being sympathetic and nice, I am confused
>"don't worry anon, you tried and that's what counts"

So that's how I was forever known as the guy who lost to the Downie. People brought it up all the way until graduation.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 21 Jun 2013 21:11:10 No.7431970 Report

Quoted By: >>7432098 >>7432114

>be winter
>has snowed for two days straight
>dig myself out.
>my dog had only been able to use a 2x2 section of back yard. decide to take him for a walk
>get to end of street. see a guy using a snow thrower on his driveway
>his pants are below his ass, like some geriatric rapper.
>they drop to his knees. he can't push snow thrower
>snow thrower starts to slide down the driveway
>he falls backwards, snow thrower falls on him
>i rush over. help him on his feet
>his pants are around his ankles. pull them up
>he doesn't want to let go of snow thrower because it won't start again
>i have one hand on the snow thrower, the other is wrapped around the front of him holding his pants up
>only way to get him and snow thrower back up his driveway was to sort of bunny hop/hump him step by step
>neighbors drive by seeing me hump this old guy
>hump, hop, hump, hop
>all the while my hand is doing what looks like a reach around
>hump, hop, hump, hop
>more neighbors slow down and stare.

mfw I have no face for this.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 21 Jun 2013 21:11:45 No.7431973 Report

Quoted By: >>7432079

>20
>home from college on break
>parents live in an RV they bought when I moved out for college
>sleeping in a bunk
>wait for them to go to sleep
>put in my ear phones and start jacking it to hardcore BDSM
>dad walks by to use the bathroom, I don't notice because I'm really into it and can't hear him
>finish
>go to sleep
>next day he tells me that the shit I was looking out was exactly how I was conceived
>I was watching a chick tied up with clamps on her nipples and pussy and getting railed by three dudes while another was pouring hot wax on her stomach
>can never look at either of my parents the same way ever again
Two years later and I still only jack it to very vanilla porn and I stopped being kinky with my girl and then she broke up with me because of it.

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1366331301213.png, 82KiB, 416x357

Anonymous Fri 21 Jun 2013 21:18:31 No.7432016 Report

Quoted By:

>>7424191
>>7424728
hahaha, i love you guys. you guys are so funny.

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1350621244957.jpg, 8KiB, 211x237

Anonymous Fri 21 Jun 2013 21:21:39 No.7432036 Report

Quoted By:

>>7424835
he didn't give a fuck about your dirty room. he was taking his anger out on you over that missing fap collection lol. no one messes with a man's missing fap collection.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 21 Jun 2013 21:29:24 No.7432079 Report

Quoted By:

>>7431973
He was fucking with ya anon.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 21 Jun 2013 21:31:30 No.7432098 Report

Quoted By: >>7432247

>>7431970
...why didn't you just take control of the snow thrower and let him pull up his own pants? I mean.... how is that not the obvious option?

You're a sick fuck, anon. A sick, sick bastard.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 21 Jun 2013 21:33:46 No.7432110 Report

Quoted By: >>7432510 >>7432629

i get super embarrassed over really small things. i seem to have a habit of misunderstanding what people say, especially at work, and i feel like dying when i realize what happened. i'll save you guys the boredom

NeonFag !!qAQNO0uyesN

NeonFag !!qAQNO0uyesN Fri 21 Jun 2013 21:34:24 No.7432114 Report

Quoted By: >>7432259

>>7431970
Did he pay you?

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 21 Jun 2013 21:53:20 No.7432247 Report

Quoted By:

>>7432098
>...why didn't you just take control of the snow thrower and let him pull up his own pants? I mean.... how is that not the obvious option?
>You're a sick fuck, anon. A sick, sick bastard.

I was afraid the old guy would fall again. He had to be about 80. In the spring I noticed that his son came and moved him out of the house so I think his son was afraid of something happening to him.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 21 Jun 2013 21:54:50 No.7432259 Report

Quoted By:

>>7432114
>Did he pay you?

He offered to pay me. After I got him up to his garage I finished his driveway and shoveled his walkway leading to his front door. He want ed to pay me but I refused. I was just trying to be a good neighbor (and cop a feel. OK, I really didn't).

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 21 Jun 2013 21:59:55 No.7432309 Report

Quoted By: >>7432996 >>7433563

>>7427589
>Be 12
>want to impress girls
>Climb up tree
>branch snaps
>I fall
>everyone laughs and walks off
>I lay there for hours
>broken spike

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 21 Jun 2013 22:04:25 No.7432349 Report

Quoted By: >>7432516 >>7433022 >>7448735

>be in 5th grade
>teacher mad at me
>cry in class
>multiple times :(

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 21 Jun 2013 22:08:37 No.7432397 Report

Quoted By: >>7434962

>>7427982
/fit/ here.

10/10 would lift with.

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO what the fuck kids.png, 25KiB, 109x119

Anonymous Fri 21 Jun 2013 22:16:19 No.7432464 Report

Quoted By: >>7456081

>having a system link party at a friend's house
>everyone brings their own controllers
>people's parents are coming to pick them up
>kid picks up my controller by mistake
>that one's mine
>how do you know
>the one trigger makes a clicking sound, listen
>he gets real close so he can hear it
>huh, oh yea i can hear it
>look at the door
>local news anchor is there to pick up his kid
>from his point of view it looks like we're making out or something
>his expression is the most disgusted, disappointed look i've ever seen
>get up and try to explain
>he shuffles his kid out and i hear the car door slam
>that kid never shows up to our parties anymore
>can't watch the local news anymore without getting embarrassed as fuck

pic related

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 21 Jun 2013 22:19:55 No.7432481 Report

Quoted By:

I did the weird thing where you're on your back with your legs and dick in the air so you can cum on your own face...only thing is my parents walked in on me in the act.

>tfw you did all this weird homosex shit as a kid and you still turned out straight

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 21 Jun 2013 22:22:47 No.7432510 Report

Quoted By: >>7432629

>>7432110
>i seem to have a habit of misunderstanding what people say, especially at work

Are you me?

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 21 Jun 2013 22:23:34 No.7432516 Report

Quoted By:

>>7432349

>5th .... god

i cryed because i got the worst grade of the class once

i was in 9th grade

fuck. i dont even. i killed my social life right in that moment-

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 21 Jun 2013 22:26:11 No.7432540 Report

Quoted By: >>7432566 >>7434832

>>7431793
>cum literally shoots a metre and hits Sarah on her boobs and all over her shirt.

so she just came in and appeared a metre away from you AND it hit her tits? what was she a hobbit?

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 21 Jun 2013 22:29:18 No.7432566 Report

Quoted By:

>>7432540
You must not have been a 15 year old boy. I swear to christ I hit the ceiling with my ropes once.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 21 Jun 2013 22:30:47 No.7432581 Report

Quoted By: >>7434962

>>7427982
/r9k/ here

10/10 would feel with

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 21 Jun 2013 22:32:53 No.7432602 Report

Quoted By: >>7434962

>>7427982
/s/ here.
10/10 would fap with.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 21 Jun 2013 22:35:15 No.7432629 Report

Quoted By:

>>7432110
>>7432510

I also seem to have this problem, have to ask people to repeat stuff a lot. Also, I can never understand people when they try to whisper something to me, and I always thought it made me look really stupid back in school.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 21 Jun 2013 22:36:22 No.7432638 Report

Quoted By:

>>7427982
/soc/ here.

10/10 would show dick to.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 21 Jun 2013 22:36:48 No.7432640 Report

Quoted By:

>>7424191
I don't understand why mothers are upset about their sons watching porn. Do they fear their sons objectifying women, or do they just hate the thought of their children becoming sexual?

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 21 Jun 2013 22:42:56 No.7432692 Report

Quoted By: >>7434962

>>7427982
/s4s/ here.

10/10 would shitpost with.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 21 Jun 2013 22:48:50 No.7432733 Report

Quoted By: >>7434962

>>7427982

/g/ here.

Would install gentoo on.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 21 Jun 2013 22:50:34 No.7432746 Report

Quoted By:

>>7427982
/mu/ here. Would stain mountaintops with.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 21 Jun 2013 22:53:58 No.7432766 Report

Quoted By: >>7434962

>>7427982

/mlp/ here

10/10 would cum inside

does your grandparents "farm" has horses by any chance ?

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 21 Jun 2013 22:57:10 No.7432790 Report

Quoted By: >>7434962

>>7427982
/lgbt/ here. Would turn into a woman..

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO Caughtfappingstory.png, 29KiB, 786x377

Anonymous Fri 21 Jun 2013 23:00:46 No.7432817 Report

Quoted By: >>7432839 >>7434439 >>7460482

Oh man, that story reminded me of this.

See pic.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 21 Jun 2013 23:01:03 No.7432819 Report

Quoted By: >>7434962

>>7427982

/pol/ here.

10/10 would hate jews with.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 21 Jun 2013 23:03:19 No.7432836 Report

Quoted By: >>7434962

>>7427982
/gif/ here.
10/10 would ask for sauce

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 21 Jun 2013 23:03:37 No.7432839 Report

Quoted By: >>7432847

>>7432817
>implying she didn't get off on it later that night

girls are as horny as boys at that age

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 21 Jun 2013 23:04:25 No.7432847 Report

Quoted By:

>>7432839

Nah. I was really unattractive, there's no way she was turned on by it.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 21 Jun 2013 23:08:46 No.7432883 Report

Quoted By:

>be 16
>banging my gf at the time
>look out the window
>see neighbour staring at us fucking out his bathroom
>lie down and start laughing
>close curtains
>continue
I wasn't that embarrassed, but you can bet my gf was.
>be shaving pubes in mirror
>shirt off, flexing and shit
>mum walks in and makes eye-contact with me through the mirror
>realises what she's done and leaves
That was pretty embarrassing

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 21 Jun 2013 23:09:41 No.7432891 Report

Quoted By: >>7433071 >>7433263 >>7433335

>Be in highschool
>be pretty popular inside school but a total fucking anti-social outside of school time
>always stalk my classmates internet pages, though i didn't use any that shit myself because too beta
>safe pics of girls i like
>one day at school
>cute girl i like
>she is into me
>we talk for a few weeks
>accidently call her by her myspace nickname
>oh fuck
>asks how i know that
>spaghetti
>just start laughing
>she is super scared
>no idea why but i literally just cannot stop laughing and how much i fucked up
>she walks away
>tells a teacher that im stalking her, they phone my parents
>parents scan my pc and find all the pics i saved
>as punishment i am forced to email everyone the folder
>forever known as a fucking creep

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 21 Jun 2013 23:11:59 No.7432904 Report

Quoted By: >>7432936 >>7432950

>8th grade
>girl on my bus that i'm really good friends with
>never romantically attracted at all

>used to sneak inside the school during recess, push the giant crash mat over beside the piano, climb up on the piano and do flips off of it onto the crash mat

>doing this, like six people at once
>for some reason girl from the bus specifically asks to see my bag
>out of the blue
>hey anon, show me your sack, would ya?
>sure, I guess
>penis squeezed in hand, pulling dick straight up so sack is protruding outwards
>pull the front of my pants down and show her

>no fucking word of a lie my teacher walked in
>~40 year old woman
>fucking ANGRY
>WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU GUYS DOING IN HERE (came in to bust everyone, gotta stick with it)
>staring right in my eyes
>EVERYONE BACK OUTSIDE
>my face is bright red
>girl from bus just abandons me
>EXCEPT YOU! YOU STAY HERE.
>feel like crying

>all she says is "I don't know what you were doing. Don't do that ever again."

I saw her a few days ago, I'm 26 now. We had a nice talk.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 21 Jun 2013 23:16:18 No.7432936 Report

Quoted By:

>>7432904
my sides are orbiting a hamplanet

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 21 Jun 2013 23:17:51 No.7432950 Report

Quoted By:

>>7432904
>I don't know what you were doing. Don't do that ever again.
ahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1364363736045.png, 18KiB, 400x400

Anonymous Fri 21 Jun 2013 23:23:00 No.7432996 Report

Quoted By:

>>7432309
oh shit anon thanks for the laugh

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 21 Jun 2013 23:25:28 No.7433022 Report

Quoted By:

>>7432349
god dammit
i used to be that crybaby, and im a fucking guy.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 21 Jun 2013 23:25:45 No.7433024 Report

Quoted By: >>7454630

>>7427939
similar
>kids corner (after school thing)
>in the far side of school where not allowed
>need to shit
>oh no
>running like i have polio
>get into the restroom at kidcorner
>shit the minute i get in there in my pants
>dammit so close
also
>kindergarden
>first day wearing a cute belt
>need to pee
> can't get belt off
>start crying
>teacher comes in trying to help
>belt it stuck and teach becomes frustrated
>when you got to you got to go
>pee in my pants while teacher is still trying to get belt off.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 21 Jun 2013 23:31:33 No.7433071 Report

Quoted By: >>7439618

>>7432891
damn...
i dont even...
I tell everybody I losrt my facebook password so I can disconnect and creep the fuck out of everybody, but damn, downloading pics?

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1361157620230.jpg, 39KiB, 400x388

Anonymous Fri 21 Jun 2013 23:41:12 No.7433156 Report

Quoted By:

>>7427982
[Home] here

10/10 would let you come home with me

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 21 Jun 2013 23:52:58 No.7433263 Report

Quoted By: >>7433349 >>7439618

>>7432891
Dude, I'm one of those creepy dudes who uses Facebook as fap material, and even I think saving pics is over the line. Shit's downright creepy.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 21 Jun 2013 23:59:43 No.7433335 Report

Quoted By: >>7433370

>>7432891
why the FUCK would your parents do that? That makes no sense at all.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 00:01:13 No.7433349 Report

Quoted By:

>>7433263

Nice arbitrary line there. I bet it makes you feel slightly less repulsive.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 00:03:11 No.7433370 Report

Quoted By: >>7434561

>>7433335
It was more that they were super creeped out by what i was doing and were worried that i could end up getting into lots of trouble later in life from this. The logic behind it was to embarrass me to such a level that i wouldn't even consider doing it again

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 00:06:47 No.7433407 Report

Quoted By: >>7433423 >>7448467 >>7468290

>>7424728
this happened to me once, I discovered fapping by humping the bed and my mum came in one night and asked if i'd been jumping on the bed.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 00:07:54 No.7433423 Report

Quoted By: >>7433559 >>7468290

>>7433407
>I discovered fapping by humping the bed
holy shit are you me? I didn't even know how to fap properly till i was 15, i done this from i was about 9

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 00:17:55 No.7433559 Report

Quoted By: >>7468290

>>7433423
well, I did that for a while but discovered proper fapping much earlier than you, maybe 11/12.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 00:18:13 No.7433563 Report

Quoted By: >>7433674 >>7433743 >>7433770 >>7433997 >>7434516

>>7432309
>be in fifth grade
>everyone is outside hiding eggs for the pre-K easter egg hunt
>some kids are thinking of places the kids wont find them
>one of my friends kicks it in the air
>as a joke i crush some in my hands and stick them in my pockets
>'Hey, everyone theyll never find them here"
>I empty my pockets and walk away
>literally half a second later teaher calls me over
> why were you stealing eggs?
>wha-
>thatswrongdontstealyouraresickwhatiswrongwithyou
>she berates me with questions at the speed of fucking light
>i immeadiatlly burst into tears
>crying like a bitch in front of four year old swhile being yelled at
>litterally start pissing my pants
>"Hey, Anon smell like piss and eggs!'
>i ran off and the teacher didnt give a shit
>later the pre-k teacher gives everyone candy
>just as i stick my hand in the motherfuckin special box
>'You dont desreve any of that candy'
>start crying again and flip the special box onto the ground
>didnt get to go to recess

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 00:28:52 No.7433674 Report

Quoted By:

>>7433563

oh my fucking god
holyfuvkibgshitbolxtitths

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 00:34:07 No.7433743 Report

Quoted By:

>>7433563
>the special box
my sides
seriously though what a cunt teacher. bitches like that shouldn't be able to teach younger grades

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 00:36:37 No.7433770 Report

Quoted By:

>>7433563
i was the known as the fastest kid, but i was also known as the school bitch

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO pooranon.jpg, 29KiB, 300x300

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 00:56:19 No.7433997 Report

Quoted By: >>7434199

>>7433563
>flip the special box onto the ground

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 01:12:15 No.7434199 Report

Quoted By:

>>7433997
omg
omg my sides

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 01:25:15 No.7434346 Report

Quoted By: >>7436153 >>7436735 >>7439968 >>7457337

>be around 15 years old.
>get invited to go to the beach with my mother and her female friends which had two very hot daughters.
>before going to the beach I had the urge to take a shit but decided it wasn't important.
>arrive at the beach.
>start trying to flirt with the girls.
>it goes ok and one of them is somewhat interested in me.
>mother asks us if we want to walk along the beach.
>say yes but can feel the urge to shit again.
>walking with them and trying to be funny while urge to shit intensifies.
>the sea was pretty rough and dangerous but decide to try go inside the water to shit.
>everytime I try to run to the sea the girls hold me saying it's too dangerous.
>do this four more times while they keep holding me and ask me if I'm suicidal.
>can't hold my shit any longer.
>stop on my tracks.
>they start to hold me again thinking I'm about to run into the water.
>turds start to slide down my leg while I shit all over the place.
>girls are disgusted and almost start to puke.
>run towards the bushes near the sand.
>cry.
>mom tells me to throw her the shit filled bathing shorts.
>get naked and throw her the shorts.
>mom has to wash it on the water while I cry and wait for her to finish washing.
>girls go away from me because I stink.
>never saw them again.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 01:34:05 No.7434439 Report

Quoted By:

>>7432817
God, that's... surprisingly arousing. Got any more like that?

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 01:39:12 No.7434516 Report

Quoted By:

>>7433563
As if that cunt has any right to say what you do and do not deserve.
I hate teachers like that around young children. More harmful than pedophiles.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 01:41:39 No.7434561 Report

Quoted By: >>7434957

>>7433370
To that end, do you think it was effective?

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 01:44:56 No.7434620 Report

Quoted By: >>7434962

>>7427982
/sci/ here.

10/10 (which is equal to 1) would discuss methods of integral and differential calculus with.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 01:49:58 No.7434691 Report

Quoted By:

>>7424728

Same thing happened to me when I was 12.

I had no idea for months.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 01:57:58 No.7434832 Report

Quoted By:

>>7432540
lol that shit made me laugh.

Also I'd l

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 02:01:47 No.7434908 Report

Quoted By: >>7434962

>>7427982
/ck/ here - 10/10 would cook in a cast iron skillet untill medium rare with

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 02:04:59 No.7434957 Report

Quoted By:

>>7434561
It did scare me shitless, though honestly it probably hurt me in the long run. I was already terrified to do anything outside of school, even on sites like facebook and stuff, and it only really added to that

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 02:05:19 No.7434962 Report

Quoted By: >>7435622 >>7437050 >>7437484 >>7452673

>>7434908
>>7434620
>>7432836
>>7432819
>>7432790
>>7432766
>>7432733
>>7432692
>>7432602
>>7432581
>>7432397

What the shit is with these weird replies? Is one guy samefagging to the max?

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 02:37:43 No.7435488 Report

Quoted By: >>7435985

>be short
>borrow my uncle's giant truck when husband and I move
>returning it
>stop to fill it with gas
>4 people on the other side of the gas pump
>rainy
>go to get in truck
>slip and fall
>hit my noggin on the concrete
>people on the other side of the pump laugh at me
>get my butt all wet and muddy
>finally manage to get up
>leg kind of hurts from the fall
>go to get in the truck again
>fall again
>more laughter
>really knocked the wind out of me that time
>sit on the edge of the pump for a while
>end up crawling into the floorboard then up into the seat

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO spaghetti everywhere.png, 55KiB, 896x760

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 02:43:55 No.7435583 Report

Quoted By: >>7435862 >>7435978 >>7436784 >>7440020 >>7443456 >>7452551

Not me, but this is gold.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 02:46:34 No.7435622 Report

Quoted By: >>7443902

>>7434962
No, it's just 4chans tendency to repeat a witty response while changing up one or two words in order to be more witty.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 02:54:46 No.7435723 Report

Quoted By:

>>7427982
/diy/ here.

10/10 would build dam with.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 03:07:39 No.7435862 Report

Quoted By:

>>7435583

hey guys I just found my brother dead in front of his computer he was looking at this image

not sure how it happened but his face, stomach, chest and arms all cringed up on each other violently until his entire body imploded

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 03:11:21 No.7435915 Report

Quoted By: >>7439712

>Presenting something on romanticism in English class
>I'm like the last one
>In front of a pretty big class, like 30 or so odd people
>Most of them girls
>Start my presentation
>Holding up paper with drawing on it
>Hands shaking uncontrollably
>Try to play it off as a joke
>People laugh
>Continuing, hands getting progressively worse
>Eventually lose track of thought and just stand there with my hands shaking terribly
>Put paper and stuff on table and continue presentation
>Finish, nobody claps

>Sit at my desk alone

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 03:17:33 No.7435978 Report

Quoted By:

>>7435583
Was gonna post this but

>tfw your post gets screencapped and posted here

Also holy shit my spelling and grammar is awful.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 03:18:06 No.7435985 Report

Quoted By:

>>7435488
shitty they laughed cause you were hurt

OtterHips !!N4jGcT6O5vY

OtterHips !!N4jGcT6O5vY Sat 22 Jun 2013 03:21:05 No.7436012 Report

Quoted By:

/sp/ here

10/10 would even call it elite

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 03:33:00 No.7436130 Report

Quoted By: >>7439712 >>7440830

>Be 15
>Have to present a 'satrical argument' in front of entire class
>My only friend is off school sick
>My turn
>Legs not working properly
>Bright red
>Visibly shaking
>Group of really popular girls giggling at back of class
>Sweating uncontrollably
>"hmmm....welll....my-erm... my f-ff-first point.."
>Popular girl tells the class to stop laughing at me
>Try to carry on
>Can't read my argument, shaking too aggressively
>Ask the teacher if I can do my presentation tomorrow instead
>"erm, okay Anon sit down now"
>I walk slowly to my desk at the front of the class, knowing that the whole class is laughing at me behind my head
>Jock guy coughs "loser"
>Whole class bursts into hysterics
>Teacher trys to stick up for me
>Sit there quietly, still bright red, as a single tear rolls down my face

Painful memory that.

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1363695633558.gif, 18KiB, 645x773

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 03:35:21 No.7436153 Report

Quoted By:

>>7434346
oh, Anon...

I'm so sorry for you..

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 03:42:00 No.7436224 Report

Quoted By: >>7439712

>have to give a speech about a desert island community that you made up
>I forgot to write mine
>get up in front of the class and try to improvise it
>start stuttering and talk about the fisherman of the village providing the food for the village
>somehow accidentally end up talking about an executioner for villagers who don't pull their weight
>make some jok about the executioner that no one finds funny
>can't seem to stop talking about the executions
>everyone looks slightly perplexed
>I stop and say that I haven't written a speech
>I do it next week instead with 100% less executions

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 03:51:06 No.7436348 Report

Quoted By:

>tfw too normal for all of these stories

It almost feels bad.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 04:20:45 No.7436735 Report

Quoted By:

>>7434346
>turds start to slide down my leg

I can't stop laughing Anon
I'm dying here

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 04:23:42 No.7436784 Report

Quoted By:

>>7435583

This is unreal man oh god this thread is killing me

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 04:30:29 No.7436895 Report

Quoted By: >>7436938 >>7440267 >>7440331

>live as a recluse in a dorm
>some people manage to pull me out of my shell and get me to talk
>still quite timid and awkward
>speaking with a girl
>topic goes to illnesses we have
>say "Oh and I got multiple sclerosis."
>she just stares at me
>"Oh my, I'm so, so sorry...I didn't know..."
>wonder why she's so shocked, my back is just a bit crooked, nobody died of that, right?
>she's still staring at me with those big, sad eyes
>realisation starts to dawn
>face goes bright red
>"S-s-s-...s-....scoliosis...I have scoliosis..."
>awkward silence
>leave

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 04:33:28 No.7436938 Report

Quoted By:

>>7436895
Oh god I feel the embarassment.

Make it stop.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 04:39:55 No.7437050 Report

Quoted By:

>>7434962
>implying that guy didn't do the right thing in a noble manner

/lit/ here, 10/10 would write epic poem about

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 04:55:22 No.7437223 Report

Quoted By:

>>7427982
/sp/ here
would banter with

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 04:59:58 No.7437269 Report

Quoted By:

>>7427982
/m/ here
would gattai with

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 05:10:31 No.7437373 Report

Quoted By: >>7437467 >>7446916 >>7452647

>just got moved to the very front of the class
>girl i had an incredibly serious crush on right behind me
>teacher is saying something
>suddenly fart the loudest fart i've ever heard
>didn't even realize i had to fart
>after a second i realize it came from me
>entire classroom bursts into laughter
>teacher thinks i did it on purpose
>turn around and say
>w-w-what? w-what are you laughing at? h-h-hhaha i dont get it?
>everyone laughs harder

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 05:17:17 No.7437467 Report

Quoted By:

>>7437373
lol how old were you?

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 05:17:38 No.7437474 Report

Quoted By:

>>7427881
Your class sounds like a bunch of idiots. That is a perfectly legitimate solution to the problem of over population. Maybe the wording 'put down' is a bit politically incorrect, but something that 'aborted' or any kind of prevention of more births after 1 or 2 children.

Sorry that they made fun of you for an in class debate, you weren't wrong - they were a bunch of clowns which gives you the right to laugh at them.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 05:18:19 No.7437484 Report

Quoted By:

>>7434962
Are you retarded? One guy made a semi okay joke and then everyone hopped onto the wagon.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 05:28:49 No.7437607 Report

Quoted By:

>>7427982
/v/ here
would hate videogames with

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 05:36:14 No.7437712 Report

Quoted By: >>7437764 >>7438078 >>7440356 >>7440386

Oh god. Reading some of these. Repressed memories.

>Be 18
>Come back from 3.5 month music tour.
>Since there was little privacy on tour I never fapped.
>After I got back I was in great shape.
>Girl I had been after since we were both 12 wants to hangout now that I am back.
>Always in the friend zone with this chick. She knew I liked her and still hung out with me regularly regardless.
>Torture to hangout with her and watch boyfriend after boyfriend come in and ruin her only for me to pick her back up afterwards.
>She comes over to my place.
>Parents aren't home.
>We go swimming for awhile.
>Got a major confidence boost/fantastic body because of tour.
>Start flirting with her after we got out.
>She fucking goes for it.
>We go into a corner of my yard and she begins to blow me.
>Being so giddy that this girl I was constantly rejected by after for six years was blowing me + I hadn't fapped in three and a half months hits me all at once.
>Get too excited.
>Minute or so in I blow my load.
>Lots of awkward conversation later.
>She leaves and later get into an argument over the phone about women problems.
>Said "At least a real man can last more than a minute!" and hangs up.
>Haven't talked to her since.
Yeah. Thanks for helping me remember that robots.

For anyone curious I was on tour with a Drum Corps over summer.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 05:39:48 No.7437764 Report

Quoted By: >>7437895

>>7437712
Who cares about that slut anyways? You got your dick wet and she got even more promiscuous

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 05:48:46 No.7437895 Report

Quoted By: >>7437971

>>7437764
Honestly I want to have one conversation with her just to get some closure.

There is no logical reason this should still bother me all these years later.

She could be dead for all I know. Blocked me off of every social network I know of. I lost her phone # after my phone was accidentally erased.
Shit sucks bro. She was hot too. Easily 8/10

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 05:53:01 No.7437971 Report

Quoted By:

>>7437895
If you ever see her again you should call her a dick sucking whore
Then run away

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 05:57:57 No.7438040 Report

Quoted By: >>7438115 >>7438140 >>7438572 >>7439885 >>7440376

>be 8 or 9 years old
>at cousins house for christmas dinner
>all the kids play outside in the snow
>everyone goes in
>i lay in the snow for a bit
>get up and go inside
>dinner smells really awful
>i say "whats cooking??"
>asian people poke their head out
>run as fast as i can next door beet red

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 06:00:16 No.7438078 Report

Quoted By: >>7438117

>>7437712

I don't understand her logic. She did something to pleasure you and it worked well. How can she be insulted by that?

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 06:03:13 No.7438115 Report

Quoted By:

>>7438040

AHAHAHA FUCKlNG MARVELLOUS

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 06:03:19 No.7438117 Report

Quoted By:

>>7438078
I left out details.

I wanted to go on a date. She wanted to stay how we were. At least lets do it again without me having 3.5 months of pent up nonsense behind it? Nope.

I think she just made a rash split second decision to blow me and regretted it afterwards.

I have no idea how a female brain works.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 06:04:34 No.7438140 Report

Quoted By:

>>7438040

The day The Rock was born

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 06:05:00 No.7438145 Report

Quoted By:

>>7427982

/o/ here
10/10 would convert dam into auto ramp with

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 06:06:17 No.7438163 Report

Quoted By: >>7439885

That one hits close to home.

>be 10 or 11
>mom drops me off at friend's house
>knock on door
>what the fuck
>no one's home
>knock again
>are you shitting me
>wait outside like the sad beta I am
>ten minutes later
>obese Indian man walks to door
>dripping wet, towel wrapped around waist
>"WHO THE HELL ARE YOU"
>"uhhh sorry bye"
>walk out onto sidewalk
>friend is standing outside front door of next house
>laughing his ass off

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1369695025590.jpg, 23KiB, 320x352

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 06:26:44 No.7438374 Report

Quoted By: >>7438410 >>7440399

>project adventure
>zipline looks a little loose but we do that shit anyway
>gym teacher is this stupid fat douche substitute
>i'm known as 'monkey boy' for my ability to do absurd amounts of pullups and climb that rockwall like a hooker on a wall of dicks

>do the whole zipline thing, like 10 kids get to do it because class isn't long enough for everyone to have a go
>secretly want to do it when the real teacher is here because it'll be properly maintained and likely safer (im scared of heights)
>i'm literally last in line, i'm up that day, getting progressively more terrified as each student before me goes
>chick behind me is this mediteranian(sp?) girl and is easily a 17/10 would obliterate with my dick all day every day
>offer her my spot all stuttering and shit
>she's all excited and thanks me
>go beet red just from her smile

field too long, cont next post

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO ahdamn.gif, 2MiB, 379x260

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 06:29:22 No.7438410 Report

Quoted By: >>7438684 >>7440447 >>7441739 >>7443076

>>7438374

>her go sucks ass because its humid out and i don't fucking know, whatever
>she got stuck in like the middle, too high for anyone to get her down
>stupid fat substitute goes in to get help, waddling some 50 billion miles across the stupid giant football field
>she's clearly uncomfortable and in some pain in the harness

>all fear is gone

>climb up the pole, on to the rope, do an upside-down crawl to her while the class just looks on in dead terrified silence
>reach her, she was staring at me the whole time
>self conscious of the wierd bald spot i had even at the age of i think 14
>say hi
>she giggles nervously and asks what i'm doing
>turn and yell at the class "don't just stand there, need 2 people to catch her"
>two big popular kids come over not really sure whats goin on but in the right spot
>try to toggle her belt clasp
>its stuck pretty tight
>tell her to suck her gut in
>fiddle with it for what seems like eternity but was probably about 3 seconds
>comes loose
>she falls
>lets out just a gasp
>the dudes below actually catch her, perfectly
>the class lets out a whoop of admiration, a few start clapping

>i forget where i am and let go with my legs
>sheer terror
>fall on to the chick as the dudes duck for cover
>land directly on her (gloriously soft) chest with my face
>just kinda lie there
>class isn't clapping anymore
>'uhm, anon, could you please get off me'
>whole class treats me like some kind of lech and not the obviously totally super awesome hero that i was

>tfw from then on i was known as the bonobo

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 06:42:26 No.7438572 Report

Quoted By: >>7438664

>>7438040
I have a similar story.
>14 or 15
>At grandparents' house
>Decide to race my brother next door to tell the neighbors they could come over whenever they were ready
>Running
>Running
>Excited!
>Finally make it to front door, before my brother.
>So happy I won that I am distracted and slam their front door open
>"Hey guys! You c-"
>Wife is wrapped in a towel walking through the living room brushing her teeth
>Stares at me like I'm retarded but not so retarded I can't knock on a fucking door
>Turn red, finish my sentence, shut door and tell my brother they're coming soon
>Still haunts me ten years later

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 06:48:47 No.7438664 Report

Quoted By: >>7438746

>>7438572

but was she hot?

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 06:50:01 No.7438684 Report

Quoted By: >>7438708

>>7438410
honestly this seems pretty alpha to me mane

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 06:51:50 No.7438708 Report

Quoted By:

>>7438684

it was
thats why it was so awful when i inexplicably fell for no reason
i couldn't even come up with an excuse
didn't help that i nestled into that absurdly hot chicks knockers after injuring her with a fall that shouldnt've ever happened.

also the gym teacher yelled at me and i think he got fired, which was actually pretty cool.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 06:55:20 No.7438746 Report

Quoted By:

>>7438664
No. Short scraggly haired Puerto Rican with a fat ass.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 07:17:27 No.7439007 Report

Quoted By: >>7439509

>be 17
>snuck over to my bfs house for sexy times
>we try anal for the 1st time
> "hey that was pretty good"
>going home on the bus
>omg the worst fucking cramps in my life
>bf asks what's wrong.
>"probably just period cramps"
>omgthisisntjustcramps
>get off the fucking bus and run to a fast food place
>bf is worried and is yelling at cashier for the bathroom key
>too late it's happening
>shit myself and have to throw my panties away

After having a second time, I found out that I get bad diarrhea and gas from having anal sex. The good thing was that the second time I was home so no embarrassing incident then. And my bf didn't dump me. No pun intended.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 07:57:57 No.7439509 Report

Quoted By:

>>7439007

Tell us more about the bad gas...

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 08:06:26 No.7439618 Report

Quoted By: >>7439640 >>7439696

>>7433071
>>7433263
I save pics
I have folders
Why is this such a taboo thing on 4chan?

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 08:08:14 No.7439640 Report

Quoted By:

>>7439618
It's not they're just faggots

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 08:11:28 No.7439681 Report

Quoted By: >>7439891

>Be in highschool health class as a freshman
>P.E. Coach is teaching
>My friends keep making jokes about what the vagina looks like, I try to make them shut up
>Coach only catches it when I tell them to shut up, starts getting pissed off at me
>Tells me if I'm so smart I should teach the class
>Don't know anything about female anatomy
>He asks me where the ovaries are, I point to the cervix; cervix, vice versa
>He says "The vagina. That should be easy, all guys know that one."
>Point to the wrong thing, everyone laughs at me

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 08:12:53 No.7439696 Report

Quoted By:

>>7439618
i don't think it's weird, it's simply a matter of archiving material you might not be able to find again. that one profile picture might literally be lost to you forever.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 08:14:25 No.7439712 Report

Quoted By: >>7456998

>>7435915
>>7436130
>>7436224
oh god the school speech feels
fuck man

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 08:15:32 No.7439727 Report

Quoted By:

>>7427982
/an/ here
would rescue animals with

>TDW !okQaEnsJuE

>TDW !okQaEnsJuE Sat 22 Jun 2013 08:16:22 No.7439735 Report

Quoted By: >>7439752 >>7439753 >>7439757 >>7439822

>be me
>be 13
>period is still hella erratic
>go on spring break to hilton head with a few friends (this is what rich white people in the south do)
>at beach
>fucking around and throwing frisbee and shit
>get a bunch of sand on us
>decide to go into the ocean to wash off
>walk into waist-deep water
>walk back out
>friends are staring at me
>OMG FI ARE YOU OKAY
>what? yeah i'm fine, what's wrong?
>DID YOU GET A CUT FROM SOMETHING
>look down
>blood is trickling down the inside of my leg
>fucking period
>mfw they didn't know what a fucking period was, they are 12-13 year old girls
>mfw i had to run back to our car discreetly to get tampons

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 08:17:30 No.7439746 Report

Quoted By: >>7439764 >>7443619

Mostly cringe but here goes;

>first bf
>see him sitting across the room
>decide to go over there
>see him sneak a pit sniff to check
>cringe
>never get over it
Don't know why this embarrassed me.

>Second bf
>watching him and other friend play-fight
>end up wrestling (they were both on the team)
>boyfriend loses to someone half his size

Still, don't know why.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 08:18:11 No.7439752 Report

Quoted By:

>>7439735
That is beyond disgusting anon

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 08:18:18 No.7439753 Report

Quoted By: >>7439789

>>7439735
>FI
What does that mean?

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 08:18:47 No.7439757 Report

Quoted By:

>>7439735
>hella

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 08:19:13 No.7439764 Report

Quoted By:

>>7439746
You are just a sexist racist female. You hate seeing men better themselves and enjoying a game of play fighting.

>TDW !okQaEnsJuE

>TDW !okQaEnsJuE Sat 22 Jun 2013 08:21:35 No.7439789 Report

Quoted By:

>>7439753
fi, short for fiona, my name.

some people call me that, it's weird to me but whatever

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 08:23:41 No.7439822 Report

Quoted By: >>7439894

>>7439735
shit you could have got eaten by a fuckin shark
a fuckin shark could have ate you

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 08:24:27 No.7439830 Report

Quoted By: >>7440998

>>7424835
I'd be mad too if someone lost my fap folder.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 08:27:47 No.7439869 Report

Quoted By:

>>7427982
/b/ here.

10/10 would share cp with.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 08:28:37 No.7439885 Report

Quoted By:

>>7438040
>>7438163
Oh I got one for ya

>be 10
>be at Didney Worl Hotel
>walking back to room alone
>lets play a harmless prank on our room
>shuffle up to the door
>knocking several times
>It's the pizza man
>knock more, harder, still chanting
>no answer
>knock as hard as I can
>ITS THE PIZZA MAN
>6 foot tall, burly guy opens the door
>WHAT
>my enthusiastic smile is wiped from existence
>gasp because I expected my mom to answer not hulk hogan
>piss my pants
>run to the next door
>let me in
>my voice is shuddering
>my mom lets me in
>thinks nothing of it
>I change pants
>no one ever knows

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 08:29:12 No.7439891 Report

Quoted By:

>>7439681

Fuck off, Sam Weir.

>TDW !okQaEnsJuE

>TDW !okQaEnsJuE Sat 22 Jun 2013 08:29:15 No.7439894 Report

Quoted By:

>>7439822
that was one potential escape route

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 08:31:52 No.7439921 Report

Quoted By:

>>7427982
[Settings] here.

Would change theme with.

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1368336705495 - Copy.jpg, 26KiB, 279x254

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 08:34:51 No.7439968 Report

Quoted By:

>>7434346
I'm laughing so hard I can feel water in my nose.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 08:35:15 No.7439977 Report

Quoted By:

>be in 3rd or 4th grade
>friends dare me to hump a tree
>weird girl who no one liked saw me
>told her mum
>teacher calls me in during recess
>try to explain how I was "giving the tree a hug" and had to adjust my position

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 08:39:58 No.7440020 Report

Quoted By:

>>7435583
Poor guy that is just cruel whoever came up with that task. I would have made a run for it.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 08:44:04 No.7440069 Report

Quoted By:

>>7427982
>/
/x/ here.

9/11 would conspire with

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 08:44:57 No.7440077 Report

Quoted By: >>7441775

>about 10 or 11
>just get done watching movie where people kiss
>mom walks in the room
>im laying on the bed and i face her and start doing make-out motions and swirling my tongue around
>"haha, no anon, we don't do that yet"
>awww ok
>she just laughs and walks away
>I just now realize how embarrassing that was

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 08:48:51 No.7440114 Report

Quoted By: >>7440139 >>7457463

>Be 14
>Sleeping at friends house
>Small house
>Sleep in same bed
>Go to sleep
>Wake up
>Chemicals not fully balanced in head
>Everything is amazing
>Dick feels like 20,000 orgasms
>Friend is sucking my dick
>Feels so good but it's so weird
>Don't know what to do
>Just let him.
>Cum
>Friend thinks I didn't know it happened.

That's one way to get your first blow job I guess...

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 08:51:31 No.7440139 Report

Quoted By: >>7457463

>>7440114
Oh fuck... that's hot as hell.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 08:51:37 No.7440140 Report

Quoted By:

>be in London
>on tube train
>packed into a train shaped like a large sewer pipe
>three drunk dudes shove on
>knock over some asian bitch
>she decides to take out her rage on me
>tries to shove me out of the way on her way to the exit
>noneofthat.jpg
>shove her back
>she starts whacking me with girly punches
>the three drunk fucks who started this go into whiteknight mode
>one tries to drag me off the train
>i drag him off instead
>fight starts
>hear people chanting "get him"
>looks like they've taken their side
>ohdear.gif
>decide to literally just turn around and walk away because cops would probably swarm the platform any minute
>see the drunk guys get back on the train while giving me a dirty look
>watch train go past me with everyone staring at me through the windows
>long walk of shame to the exit
>feel beta
>pray noone filmed it and put it on youtube.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 08:52:42 No.7440156 Report

Quoted By: >>7440167 >>7440233

>Be 16
>Take girl out to the movies
>Was incredibly dorky kid with a really bad moustache
>She was really cute but a little chubby
>Go to cinema to watch "Kung Fu Panda"
>I take in a packet of chips
>She takes in three bottles of water. THREE.
>For the first half of the movie I awkwardly eat the chips, of which the packet has been hooked up to a megaphone and she keeps drinking
>Trying to get close to her, put my arm around her
>Start to smell a familiar smell
>Oh jesus, is it me?
>Movie ends, Jack Black's done it again
>Date turns to me "Anon, I'm sorry. I've had an accident"
>Pissed everywhere. Those three bottles of water.
>Her dress is soaked, her legs are drenched
>I offer her a handkerchief
>She cries, runs down the stairs of the cinema, trips at the bottom, gets back up
>Never see her again.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 08:53:37 No.7440167 Report

Quoted By: >>7440217

>>7440156
goddamn it that is hot as shit

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 08:58:55 No.7440217 Report

Quoted By:

>>7440167

It is in hindsight, but I was so disgusted.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 09:00:15 No.7440230 Report

Quoted By:

>>7427982
/tv/ here

10/10 would watch movies with

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 09:00:22 No.7440233 Report

Quoted By: >>7440296

>>7440156
Lightweight

>drink 8litres in four hours at work, don't need to piss

But I sweat a lot, I think somethings wrong with me

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 09:05:13 No.7440267 Report

Quoted By: >>7440293

>>7436895
Wat. I don't get it. What made it awkward?

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 09:08:45 No.7440293 Report

Quoted By:

>>7440267
He accidentally said he had MS, which is a debilitating disease affecting physical and mental function, when he meant scoliosis. It's like telling someone you have cancer when you've got gum disease or something.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 09:08:59 No.7440296 Report

Quoted By: >>7440361

>>7440233
Good goy, obediently following the "drink 8 liters of fluoridated mind control fluid" instructions of your jewish doctors

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1369238617499.jpg, 2KiB, 125x113

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 09:13:21 No.7440331 Report

Quoted By: >>7442048

>>7436895
Did they ever speak to you again?

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 09:15:27 No.7440356 Report

Quoted By:

>>7437712
How is this embarrassing? You blew your load in this bitche's mouth. You're a legend.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 09:15:43 No.7440361 Report

Quoted By: >>7447209

>>7440296
Not my fault schlomo, I'm always fucking thirsty. I drank all that water, and only stopped because I figured I'd probably get water intoxication or something.

Always sweating a lot, and body temp is hot, warmer than most people. No bueno, I sweat at any temperatures above freezing.I wear a t'shirt in winter.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 09:17:59 No.7440376 Report

Quoted By: >>7440391

>>7438040
I don't get it? What is this story about? why is it embarrassing? it makes no sense to me.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 09:18:28 No.7440386 Report

Quoted By:

>>7437712
You got a blowjob, dude. Like no problem, too. Lots of guys finish early, I actually heard from an ex that apparently it's fat guys who are the only ones with a natural advantage over that due to high estrogen levels.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 09:18:54 No.7440391 Report

Quoted By:

>>7440376
he went to the wrong person's house

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1368738189634 - Copy.jpg, 7KiB, 206x237

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 09:19:32 No.7440399 Report

Quoted By: >>7440526

>>7438374
>Dignity
LMAO

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 09:26:45 No.7440447 Report

Quoted By:

>>7438410
What an ungrateful bitch.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 09:36:21 No.7440526 Report

Quoted By:

>>7440399

gets me every fucking time.

that was legitimately on the wikipedia page's info box for that thing.

that emu war? yeah, that was a THING. that HAPPENED. that was not made up, it is real, google it.

>that commander's face when he loses a war against emus and his dignity

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1366667276512.png, 19KiB, 462x320

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 09:43:58 No.7440585 Report

Quoted By: >>7440606 >>7440761 >>7441089 >>7447049

>be 16
>first highschool days
>in class, 8/10 grill is looking at me from across the room
>oh fuck, wat do
>she smiles at me
>PANIC
>brain shuts down
>full retarded mode activated
>instead of smiling back i give her the evil eye
>frowning, looking at this girl like she murdered my family
>she blushes and looks away
>class ends, realize what i did and try to run out ASAP
>as i'm going for the door feel tap on shoulder
>turn around to face her
>stare right into her big green eyes
>brain implodes
>madness starts to crawl into me
>as we stare into each other eyes i feel my face convulting to anger
>Glaring
>open mouth, i wanna stop but i can't, im too panicked
>"i have no soul"
>every letter burns me as i speak, it felt as if it was not me speaking
>but it was...
>she covers her mouth and runs to the door
>three of her friends where there
>see them holding the laughter and as the leave they burst imto hysterics
>stand there, in the empty classroom unable to move and afraid of going out but worried because i have to gtfo before kids start to get in

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 09:46:07 No.7440606 Report

Quoted By:

>>7440585
wow

you... did not play that well.

at all.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 09:49:21 No.7440633 Report

Quoted By:

>>7427982
/h/ here.
10/10 would share favorite doujins with.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 10:00:32 No.7440728 Report

Quoted By:

>>7427982
/adv/ here

10/10 would share advice with

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 10:05:45 No.7440761 Report

Quoted By:

>>7440585

>>>/edgy/ here

2edgy/4me would be awesome with

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 10:06:48 No.7440771 Report

Quoted By: >>7440841

>20
>living in college dorm
>move out day
>after packing a lot of things in truck tries to lift sofa into back of truck.
>foot of sofa catches pants in the crotch and rips them
>realize that clothes are blocked by sofa
>too lazy to get at them
>sees duct tape
> use duct tape to try to close huge gash in crotch of pants
>finish moving out with people laughing at the fact that the only thing keeping you from showing your crotch is duct tape.

Have to love that duct tape. Btw happened this year while moving out. Maybe you saw me...

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 10:15:03 No.7440830 Report

Quoted By:

>>7436130
Dude, fuck highschool

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 10:16:11 No.7440841 Report

Quoted By:

>>7440771

Unfunny normalfag thread?

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 10:27:37 No.7440907 Report

Quoted By: >>7440939 >>7447054

>be 2 years ago
>fall asleep on /b/ in living room
>wake up
>normal day
>argue with mom about bullshit
>"Well I found you looking at girls with dicks on your computer!"
>try to explain
>mom still thinks im some kinky gay guy now.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 10:31:54 No.7440939 Report

Quoted By:

>>7440907
another

>always fapped in my bed from age 12 to like 14.
>mom switches my blankets
>2 years passed
>one day, sister's friend sleeps over.
>need a blanket to make the sofa bed
>mom and I look in closet for my old blanket
>underside covered with stains of semen
>my mom laughs, i nervously joke about being a horny preteen
>wash blanket
>give to sister's friend
>will never know she covered her body with my old ejaculate

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO poop.jpg, 187KiB, 900x1200

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 10:36:11 No.7440969 Report

Quoted By:

This didn't happen to me

>in 6th grade science class
>it's a friday so we're all watching bill nye
>the lights are off, everyone is quiet
>out of nowhere the teacher screams :oh shit!" and runs out of the room
>everyone is confused as fuck as to what just happen
>someone gets up to turn the lights on
>they walk behind the teacher's desk
>sees a small pile of shit sitting on the floor
>looks at the class and says "the teacher pooped himself"

He got hit by a car the following year and we never saw him again.

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1370386766228.jpg, 19KiB, 195x258

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 10:37:10 No.7440979 Report

Quoted By: >>7442539 >>7443681 >>7444048 >>7450752 >>7456287

>Be about 15
>Mom tells me that i have to vacuum some shit
>I get the vacuum and i start working
>Start thinking about my crush at the time
>Get a boner
>For some reason the vacuum tube end reaches my boner
>I vacuum my dick
>The machine to turn it off is at the other side of the room
>I am in fucking pain fucking with a fucking vacuum
>Scream for help
>Mom goes downstairs and sees me that i am having a blowjob by a vacuum
>She turns off the vacuum and leaves me there on the floor with my dick sucked

She didnt talk about the topic, but that day got worse

>My dick hurts like hell
>Go with a bro, buy some sodas and talk about that shit
>He tells me that i can use Ultra Bengue so my dick colds down and that if i use that shit on my walls it will feel amazing afterwards
>Go to my home and use Ultra Bengue in my dick and balls
>Mfw

I still fucking hate you Carlos

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 10:40:04 No.7440998 Report

Quoted By: >>7460923

>>7439830
someone explain this to me. i cant even watch the same video twice, how the fuck do you fuckers use the same fap material and not get sick of it

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 10:50:43 No.7441089 Report

Quoted By: >>7441243 >>7446355 >>7447049

>>7440585

Another one (i was such a fucking retard back then)

>teacher didnt show up so class was just chillin
>talking about random shit, everyone is laughing and smiling
>guy is showing off his new drumsticks
>someone starts joking about shoving a drumstick up this whore in our class
>she laughs, everyone is joking about it
>feeling normal and part of the group i join the jest
>a couple stupid jokes and erryone laughs
>Should have stoped
>"imma shove one stick up her pussy and another one into her asshole, shes gonna end up like a roasted chicken"
>suddenly silent
>all ayes on me
>guy asks me wtf am i talking about
>panic and try to explain that she would look like pic related
>with the smuggest face ever he procceds to explain to me how pussy and asshole were next to each other
>everypne starts laughing and mocking me
>smile like a retarded while i hold the tears and imagine the sea.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 11:01:54 No.7441179 Report

Quoted By:

>17
>in ice house fishing with a couple buddies and a couple girls.
>all of us chew(what do you expect for up north sticks of MN)
>just finish off one of my beers, in a bottle
> only empty bottle in ice house
>turns into community spitter
> after many more drinks i'm drunk
> grab what i though was my bottle and take two gulps
>realize it's the first spitter
>throws up on girl i like

What a bad time...

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO P11700011024x768.jpg, 83KiB, 1024x768

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 11:11:35 No.7441243 Report

Quoted By:

>>7441089

Forgot pic
Fiitne 445

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 11:22:17 No.7441335 Report

Quoted By:

>>7427982

/tg/ here.

Would roleplay with.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 11:27:08 No.7441377 Report

Quoted By:

>>7427716
lol so what
i would have been like
"YEAH IM HUMPING THE MAT! AND WHAT!"

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 11:29:48 No.7441405 Report

Quoted By: >>7441496 >>7441562 >>7461692

>>7427982
what the fuck is up with all these replies

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 11:39:49 No.7441496 Report

Quoted By: >>7441562

>>7441405
I'm kind of wondering the same thing. I don't get it.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 11:46:58 No.7441562 Report

Quoted By: >>7441603

>>7441405
>>7441496
it's called a joke

/vp/ here
0/10 would not become the best there ever was with

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 11:51:04 No.7441603 Report

Quoted By:

>>7441562
would not trade/battle with*
would not wifi-friend with*
0/31

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO Terrified.jpg, 142KiB, 992x702

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 11:51:18 No.7441605 Report

Quoted By: >>7441698 >>7442675 >>7447182

I have one.

> Grade 9, Sex Ed
> One of the boring classes about sexual hygiene, not one of the good ones
> Bored
> Two seats back, teacher's pet is dutifully putting his hand straight up to answer every question
> Has this smug superior grin and glance around the class with every answer (always did this)
> From rich councilor's family
> Getting sick of his shit
> Friend across aisle is too
> End up drawing a rather good likeness of him sucking the teacher's dick, label the two with names
> Friend has caught glimpses and is laughing but I keep adding more detail
> About to finish this piece de resistance when teacher's pet walks past and sees
> Wordlessly snatches it up and puts it on teacher's desk in front of him
> SHITFUCKWHYOHGOD
> Watch as teacher's face turns crimson
> ANON WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS??
> Literally a quote, he started swearing at me
> YOU LITTLE BASTARD, YOU GET STRAIGHT TO THE PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE RIGHT THIS FUCKING SECOND
> Friend is horrified for me but stays quiet (don't blame him)
> I get the fuck out of the room
> WHATTHEFUCKDOIDO
> Take a drink, relax, think this through
> Don't go to principal's office, report to detention room
> 'I was sent by the principal for lunch detention but my sheet blew away'
> Teacher scolds me, writes up a new one as I detail that I 'made fun of a fellow student'
> Sit there through lunch detention, get forms signed by parents
> Take back the next day to teacher
> He says I must have caught the principal on a good day, and that I'm lucky I didn't get more detention
> I apologise, tell him I learned my lesson etc.
> he allows me back into class
> I never hear about it again from anyone barring talk among friends

I have no idea how I pulled that shit off.

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1363686740224.jpg, 830KiB, 840x1050

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 12:02:14 No.7441698 Report

Quoted By:

>>7441605

Damn son, that was well handled.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 12:03:52 No.7441713 Report

Quoted By:

>Be 14
>Brother has 3TB shared server with household
>Browsing on living room computer
>Find porn
>Wait for him to go to work, can't fap in living room, too many people
>Go upstairs and put headphones on
> fap fap
>about to climax
>Mum walks in
>Awkwardly hunch forward and shoot all over the inside of my pants and thigh
>"Anon what are you doing?"
>"ughh um, just checking to see if downloads are on, the internet is really slow downstairs"
>"Then why are you sitting on his bed with headphones on?"
>10 seconds that felt like 10 hours "uughh um, I was just... err, checking downloads?"
>Mum looks perplexed, picks up the dirty laundry and walks out

Later that day
>Hear her telling my brother to password lock his computer when he is at work.

Never any 100% confirmation, but the uncertainty was torture for weeks.

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO Upstanding Gentleman Laughing.gif, 2MiB, 200x150

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 12:07:08 No.7441739 Report

Quoted By: >>7443742

>>7438410

>the bonobo

oh my god this isn't even funny but i'm laughing

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 12:11:04 No.7441775 Report

Quoted By:

>>7440077
Holy shit, I've made sure I never told a story like that on 4chan till I hear somebody tell one similar.
Thank FUCK I'm not the only one.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 12:11:18 No.7441776 Report

Quoted By:

>>7427982
/cgl/ here.
Would cosplay with.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 12:11:54 No.7441780 Report

Quoted By:

>>7431887
lmfao I can just picture some poor nerd not realizing the mental kid getting past him

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 12:13:33 No.7441792 Report

Quoted By:

>>7427982
/vp/ here
10/10 would showderp with

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 12:20:27 No.7441843 Report

Quoted By:

>>7427982
/wg/ here.

Would modify wallpapers with.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 12:23:08 No.7441864 Report

Quoted By:

>>7427982
/wsg/ here.

Would dump YLYL gifs with.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 12:49:24 No.7442048 Report

Quoted By:

>>7440331

Yeah, but I always felt so very embarrassed talking to that girl.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 14:06:14 No.7442530 Report

Quoted By: >>7447200 >>7465377

>be in shopping mall
>wave good bye to my friends
>walking backwards while waving
>bump into some guy
>trip
>grab qt3.14's tits for support
>tits do shit
>turn around mid air
>fuck I'm going to fall down the stairs
>fall down a spiral staircase
>land flat on my face in the middle of the main district
>in so much pain
>try to get up but can't stand
>manage to roll over
>wipe blood out of my eyes
>ask people to call an ambulance because my right arm was very obviously fractured
>literally begging people to call an ambulance because I am in so much pain
>"Wow really, I can't believe they would let beggars in a mall."

Eventually people realised that I was injured but fuck I wanted smack that bitch who said that.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 14:08:39 No.7442539 Report

Quoted By:

>>7440979
HAHAHAHAH

Althought I used to put bengay on my balls all the time.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 14:14:16 No.7442558 Report

Quoted By:

>>7427939
>stupid
>veggie tales

pick one

futurebro

futurebro Sat 22 Jun 2013 14:18:28 No.7442588 Report

Quoted By: >>7444076

>want to smoke weed to be cool
>never done it before
>at a summer concert some guy hands me his pipe and a lighter
>remember something about heating the underside of a spoon to get high
>try lighting the underside of the bowl
>frustrated that i am not high
>hand the clearly defective pipe back to the guy
>realize how stupid i am
>commit sudoku
>never try pot again

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO buufence.jpg, 27KiB, 480x363

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 14:28:10 No.7442639 Report

Quoted By: >>7447220 >>7455110

>be in 4th grade elementary school
>urge tofart
>"i'm sure I can keep it silent lol"
>diarrhea
>keep it cool and ask to use the bathroom
>I hear someone say "whoa, that stinks" as I walk out
>in bathroom
>underpants covered in shit
>I don't wanna have to call my mom for a change of clothes! THAT WOULD BE EMBERASSING
>top or bathroom stalls are about a foot thick
>just toss underpants up there and go commando the rest of the day
>tfw I'm called out by the janitor, who saw me go into restroom, in front of my whole class

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 14:31:50 No.7442653 Report

Quoted By: >>7457545

This will hurt

>mom very open about sex and shit ever since I was small
>sperm into egg, baby through vagina
>be 12
>start humping bed
>go to bathroom and pee
>little bit of sperm/precum comes out
>run out to mom's room super excited
>she comes out
>mom i made semen come out of me!
>Im so happy for some reason
>some sort of maturity accomplishment
>my mom just congratulates me like mom's do with stupid shit their kids do.

I look back and cringe
What the fuck was my mom thinking?

futurebro

futurebro Sat 22 Jun 2013 14:32:01 No.7442656 Report

Quoted By: >>7445137 >>7447168 >>7460854

Not sure who this is more embarrassing for but i know i cant look my sister in the eye anymore

>be 14
>babysitting my niece
>sister gets home from a party late so i just stay the night in the guest room
>wake up to noises
>my sister is having sex
>i can hear every wet squish, every moan, and every soft fap coming from the living room
>stare wide awake at the ceiling for 10 minutes trying to figure out what to do
>eventually they finish and somehow i manage to fall asleep
>next morning i walk around the room trying to decide whether to go out or not
>sister comes in to take me home and sitting in the living room in the blackest man to ever live
>she notices my thousand yard stare
>she knows i know

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 14:34:47 No.7442675 Report

Quoted By:

>>7441605
That's brilliant, well done

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 14:40:03 No.7442710 Report

Quoted By:

>1st grade
>have to write final essay of the year
>topic is " what are friends? "
>literally have nothing to write
>everyone else is writing
>they make me hand in a blank paper with my name on it

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1323294915077.png, 18KiB, 975x451

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 14:46:23 No.7442745 Report

Quoted By: >>7442753 >>7442767

here is another screencap

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 14:49:31 No.7442753 Report

Quoted By:

>>7442745
How do you not post what happened next in a story like that

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO Putin.jpg, 64KiB, 701x497

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 14:53:18 No.7442767 Report

Quoted By:

>>7442745

Fuck you, I'm having to try and stop myself from laughing like a retard in front of my family now.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 15:09:02 No.7442845 Report

Quoted By: >>7449326

>little sex drive
>never masturbate
>once a month or so cum in my sleep
>read all these stories
>can never relate

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 15:32:51 No.7443076 Report

Quoted By:

>>7438410

Ah man. AH MAN that must bum you out.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 15:41:56 No.7443157 Report

Quoted By:

>4th grade
>teacher asks me to let another teacher that I like know something
>get really fucking excited cuz we kids loved delivering attendance sheets and shit
>decide to pee before dropping by the other class
>excitement revs up again after peeing, start running from bathroom
>quickly escalates to full blown sprinting
>THE CLASSROOM DOOR IS IN SIGHT
>throw door open
>"MS. LEE, I'VE COME TO-"
>a strange woman is staring at me like the devil
>I recognize none of the kids
>I've skidded in to the middle/front of the classroom
>oh god OH GOD
>my face is 700 degrees and I start shaking
>I buh um oh uh
>run back out at the speed of light

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO NervousManSweating.jpg, 96KiB, 343x317

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 15:45:50 No.7443194 Report

Quoted By:

>start blowing my load on an old t-shirt
>t-shirt is covered in cum stains after a few weeks
>have it hidden in my closet
>get home from school one day
>cum t-shirt is placed neatly on my bed
>it has been washed

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO amXN372_700ba.gif, 2MiB, 253x194

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 15:56:42 No.7443288 Report

Quoted By:

>be 15
>doing pushups on my bed (yeah rly)
>the door is open so my parents can hear my bed squeaking
>hear my mom yell what are you doing anon
>NOTHING
>she yells go to sleep you can do that in the morning
>think nothing of it, a few days later it hits me that they probably thought i was fapping on my bed
>mfw

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 16:12:52 No.7443456 Report

Quoted By:

>>7435583
I've got to teach something like this to kids latter in the year.

>tfw wizard

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 16:29:52 No.7443619 Report

Quoted By:

>>7439746

Are you so stupid you don't realize that size is only isn't always an advantage?

You're probably exaggerating anyway.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 16:37:34 No.7443681 Report

Quoted By:

>>7440979

>trusting someone name Carlos

Not impressed anon

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 16:44:07 No.7443742 Report

Quoted By:

>>7441739
Yes it is funny because bonobos are lecherous fuck-monkeys

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 17:06:21 No.7443902 Report

Quoted By:

>>7435622

>explaining elementary shit to a newfriend
>not telling them to lurk fucking more

oh anon...

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 17:29:06 No.7444048 Report

Quoted By:

>>7440979
The first time I orgasmed was from a vacuum cleaner. I had just watched Scary Movie, and was vacuuming and remembered the part at the end where that guy talks about it, so I decided to try it out. I came almost instantly. Shit was cash.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 17:35:19 No.7444076 Report

Quoted By:

>>7442588
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ra4edICzMHE

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 18:09:20 No.7444296 Report

Quoted By: >>7444774

>Be 16
>Wake up one night to get a drink
>Walk into the living room
>it's pitch black
>Flcik the light
>see my dad on the computer with headphones on
>See some white girl being annihilated by this black dude
>Realize what he is doing
>try to sneak out
>nope he heard me
>turns around
>screams, throws his headphones at me
>forget about the drink, go back to bed

Thankfully i was moving out the month after but god damn it was so awkward during that time

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 19:06:28 No.7444774 Report

Quoted By:

>>7444296
Could you smell the stink of your dad's pussy filling up the room?

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 19:24:58 No.7444912 Report

Quoted By:

HEY! COULD YOU SMELL THE FUCKING STINK OF YOUR DAD'S CUNT FILLING UP THE FUCKING ROOM, FUCKFACE?

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 20:01:07 No.7445137 Report

Quoted By: >>7445171 >>7447197

>>7442656
Should have beat her senseless. Never tolerate race traitors.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 20:06:30 No.7445171 Report

Quoted By:

>>7445137
you sound obese. you obese, boy?

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO image.jpg, 41KiB, 500x500

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 22:22:44 No.7446355 Report

Quoted By:

>>7441089
Imagine the fucking sea.
I can't stop laughing at work. Thank you.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 23:02:43 No.7446773 Report

Quoted By:

>>7427982
/out/ here.
would go camping with.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 23:16:47 No.7446896 Report

Quoted By:

>>7427982
anon here.

10/10 would toast in epic bread with

Syndicate

Syndicate Sat 22 Jun 2013 23:19:24 No.7446916 Report

Quoted By:

>>7437373
you should have been proud of that fart, dumbass.
Should've played it cool man

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1307068453255.jpg, 49KiB, 480x371

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 23:33:29 No.7447041 Report

Quoted By:

not something that happened to me, but I was there

>be like 12
>hanging out with my friend at his house
>we're chilling in his room on his bed
>playing gameboy
>friend is watching his sister play some ps1 game
>friend asks to have a turn playing pokemon
>I tell him he can borrow it for a week if he stands behind his sister and whips his dick out
>I'm half joking, but he gets up and does it
>he starts swinging his dick around
>he actually gets semi hard
>I can't hold in the laughter anymore
>burst out laughing
>His sister turns around
>DAVID WHAT ARE Y--
>And for a brief moment, my friends dick was in his sister's mouth
>it was never spoken of again

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 542557_129152080554139_147673499 (...).jpg, 57KiB, 720x960

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 23:34:04 No.7447049 Report

Quoted By: >>7451793

>>7441089
>>7440585
I know these feels man. When I was until junior year of high school i was an idiot when it came to girls. The 10/10 at our school hit on me when she was a virgin and I didn't go for it. I'm so pissed. That and plenty of other girls hit on me AND I would have been part of the "cool" social circle. Oh well that's a past part of me that I won't ever be again, and I can't change the past anyway. Let me find a pic of her to give an example...

okay, she all her shit pre-2012 is gone (probably hidden) so that's kinda gay. She must have really disliked high school. But here's a pic without much makeup on.

Syndicate

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1370618294178.jpg, 56KiB, 500x663

Syndicate Sat 22 Jun 2013 23:35:09 No.7447054 Report

Quoted By:

>>7440907
>mom thinks you're some kinky gay guy
porn this generation is different yo

Syndicate

Syndicate Sat 22 Jun 2013 23:46:01 No.7447168 Report

Quoted By:

>>7442656
That sounds hot 8/10 would fap to

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 23:47:33 No.7447182 Report

Quoted By:

>>7441605

Wow, dude. That was some Ocean's Eleven shit right there.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 23:48:51 No.7447197 Report

Quoted By:

>>7445137
This. Pretty disgusting to fuck an ape, guess yout sister is a lowly mudshark.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 23:49:03 No.7447200 Report

Quoted By: >>7465377

>>7442530

l WARNED YOU BRO

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 23:50:22 No.7447209 Report

Quoted By:

>>7440361
You are not alone, my sweaty friend.

>tfw always those huge, embarrassing swamps under your arms, no matter what occasion

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 22 Jun 2013 23:50:56 No.7447220 Report

Quoted By:

>>7442639

Oh fuck.

Elaborate?

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 00:29:58 No.7447593 Report

Quoted By: >>7448497 >>7455285 >>7455309

This happened last week for me
>Have stomach issues
>Meet up with my boyfriend and another couple for dinner
>They want to go to Denny's
>Oh god why Denny's
>I order a burger
>Why the fuck did I order?
>Few hours pass and even though I was okay then I can feel my stomach getting mad
>gurururururlllllllllllll~
>I tell my boyfriend it's time to leave
>Spend 20 mins saying goodbye at the parking lot
>Get in the car not going to make it
>It's 3am
>Takes me to Walmart
>Small Walmart nothing but drunks and the sad staff that has to watch them
>Run to the bathroom
>Unleash my furry
>Oh god it won't stop
>Filling toilet with shit
>Keep flushing
>All you hear in the bathroom is my moans, groans, flushing, and my ass exploding like an opera of rage
>Five mins later and it all stops
>Sweat down my face
>Time to wipe
>Oh god it's everywhere
>Manage to clean up
>Wash hands and leave the bathroom. Thankful that no one was in there with me
>Walk out
>Everyone sees me including my boyfriend
>So quite
>Everyone heard me take this shit
>Red in the face and ready to go.
>Boyfriend tells me that he needs to buy a few things first
>Off duty cop in line can't stop laughing
>people texting laughing....I know it's about me
I cried on the way home that morning. My boyfriend just laughed and hugged me that night.

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1363181249292.png, 9KiB, 405x344

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 00:55:40 No.7447877 Report

Quoted By: >>7459962

>Go to the library of the college with friends to do some reserch
>Reserch some shit and finish first of my friends
>I have a laptop in my backpack and that Grezzo 2 game in that laptop
>I start playing with my headphones on while my friends finish their reserch
>After 10 minutes i see them laughing at something
>I am ultra fucking focus on the game killing old people in a church while fighting Jesus Mecha Christ
>My friends give me a sing to turn around
>Ohfuckno
>I see something behind me
>Its the fucking Bookeeper and one of my few female friends that is religious as fuck
>I have a brain fart and pause the game
>When you pause the game there is a guy jerking off in the menu screen pissing in the options
>They see that
>I fucking close the laptop
>"Well...having fun are we?"
>The bookeeper says that with a straight face and goes away
>My female friend doesnt say anything and follows the bookeeper

God damn it
For those who dont know what game i am talking about, here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FglVuYr0BJg

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 01:46:36 No.7448467 Report

Quoted By:

>>7433407
I still do this, it's the only way I can come. I'm a grill.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 01:49:53 No.7448497 Report

Quoted By:

>>7447593
Denny's: Not Even Once.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 01:54:19 No.7448545 Report

Quoted By: >>7448649

>>7427982

/5/ here.

5/5 would hide with.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 02:02:34 No.7448649 Report

Quoted By:

>>7448545
It's over

Threads done

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 02:10:09 No.7448735 Report

Quoted By:

>>7432349
>be 2nd grade
>I think it was the last day of school or something
>I was a poor kid and didn't have many clothes, basically only had like 3 outfits
>all my clothes were disgusting so I had to resort to wearing some retarded ass outfit
>cried in class for a good 5 minutes
>afterwards a few of my friends came up to me and said I looked alright

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 02:43:59 No.7449108 Report

Quoted By: >>7449185 >>7449377 >>7450748

so many painful memories..

>be freshmen in highschool
>put into drama class because of scheduling issues
>seriously though i would never sign up for a drama class
>had to put on a play and dress up like a faggot and such
>i have to put make up on
>girl I have a crush on decides to put make up on
>takes me into girls dressing room, some girls arent wearing very much clothing
>boner
>didnt notice until I walked out of the room and girls all laugh awkwardly
>look down, run to bathroom to cry and wait for it to go away
>late on-stage
>"hey anon i hear you were 'excited' for the play last night"
>graduated and still can't let go of that memory

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 02:49:24 No.7449185 Report

Quoted By: >>7452651

>>7449108
>drama class is for faggots
>cries because he popped a boner

No anon, you are the faggots.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 02:59:38 No.7449326 Report

Quoted By:

>>7442845

Don't change. Sex drive is fucking waste of time and annoying as fuck. I was like you once and I wish I could go back.

Syndicate

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1370824060279.png, 228KiB, 393x391

Syndicate Sun 23 Jun 2013 03:03:09 No.7449377 Report

Quoted By:

>>7449108
why would you be embarrassed, it's a natural male reaction

unless you had a small dick

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 03:52:50 No.7449980 Report

Quoted By: >>7453537

>be like 4th grade
>always larger than everyone else.
>tfw i need to poop
>go poop with door locked
>tfw people keep asking if im alright
>tfw i ran out of toilet paper
>tfw toilet also clogged
I had to yell to the teacher and ask for a plunger and paper.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 04:55:16 No.7450748 Report

Quoted By:

>>7449108

Oh, shit...I heard about you from a friend of mine. Thought it was a bullshit story. Too fucking funny, sending her a screencap of this.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 04:55:49 No.7450752 Report

Quoted By:

>>7440979
>fucking Carlos
Oh Christ anon my sides. I'm only laughing so hard because I know this feel. Ah my sides have escaped out of this realm.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 05:39:43 No.7451269 Report

Quoted By: >>7457790

>Primary 3 (7 or so years old for you americans)
>Playing with this girl i liked
>we always made up stupid ass games
>Was playing some game on ps2 night before, wanted to role play it
>Didn't tell her though i just made it into a story for us to play
>it all goes well, having a grand ole time
>i tell her to pretend to swim and shit
>no idea why but i randomly spout out "press B to jump"
>wat
>she laughed her ass off and called me a geek and stopped playing with me

I don't know why, its not even that bad but to this day i still beat myself up over it

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 06:19:10 No.7451793 Report

Quoted By:

>>7447049
hnnnnng... freckles

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 06:51:58 No.7452210 Report

Quoted By:

>last year
>living with mom
>get up to take a shit one day
>leave my laptop on
>she uses it to google some shit
>she digs though all my tabs
>come back
>/soc/ is now opened up on my laptop
>she calls me a sick fuck and then never talks about it again

Dicks, traps and fat naked men were everywhere

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 07:09:18 No.7452410 Report

Quoted By: >>7452468

>>7427982
/z/ here
10/10 would put bees on penis with

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 07:13:23 No.7452468 Report

Quoted By: >>7453195 >>7453269

>>7452410
I'm gonna be called new but

/z/?

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 07:19:29 No.7452551 Report

Quoted By: >>7453296

>>7435583

I had a slightly similar experience.

>10th grade health class
>learning about sex and relationships
>teacher decides to put us into groups to talk about our experience
>by chance she puts myself and every other spaghetti monster into one group
>6 people, zero relationship experience
>every other group is talking about exes
>our group is painfully aware that noone at the table has anything to say
>i decide to be brave and break the ice
>"Heh boy i-it's always annoying w-when girlfriends t-talk so much..."
>rest of group just nods
>fucking silence for anther 10 minutes
>teacher is walking around the room checking on each group
>gets to our group
>looks at us
>sees nobody is talking
>her head droops and she walks away

It's shitty enough that none of us had a thing to say but the collective look of pure fucking embarrassment on the faces of our group and the teacher was probably the roughest moment of high school for me. She knew without anyone saying a word that we were all fucking spergs.

21 years old now. If you put me in that group today I'd still have nothing to say.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 07:26:29 No.7452647 Report

Quoted By: >>7455390

>>7437373

Farts during high school assembly were always the funniest god damn thing. They still are. I like to think I've matured and wouldn't laugh if it happened today but the reality is I would crack in half.

Every assembly I went to in high school someone farted. The chairs in the auditorium were plastic and the seat fit your ass. So when you farted it vibrated against the plastic and amplified a 'brrrt' into a "BRRRAP".

As soon as one kid farted the assembly might as well have ended. You're not going to recover from it.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 07:26:35 No.7452651 Report

Quoted By:

>>7449185
No, you anon, does not belong here.

Seriously, what the fuck happened here. It feels like we're getting over run by normals.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 07:28:18 No.7452673 Report

Quoted By:

>>7434962
I agree. shits fucking weird
/b/ would tongue niggers anuses with

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 07:55:48 No.7453008 Report

Quoted By:

Running away takes the meaning out of an insult.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 08:10:00 No.7453195 Report

Quoted By: >>7453288

>>7452468
Try it out for yourself
>>>/z/

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 08:14:26 No.7453269 Report

Quoted By:

>>7452468
>he doesn't know about /z/
one less newfag on that board

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO Untitled.png, 1000B, 200x47

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 08:16:28 No.7453288 Report

Quoted By:

>>7453195
Welp that didn't work. Try pic related

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 08:17:00 No.7453296 Report

Quoted By:

>>7452551
that teacher saved all of your asses, shit would have been 10x worse otherwise

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 08:25:55 No.7453410 Report

Quoted By: >>7455119 >>7460324 >>7460365

>sitting at party with about 30 people
>with a few friends
>hear a guy's name come up in a side conversation
>said guy was a drugged out loser in middle/high school
>didn't listen to their conversation, just heard the guy's name
>I think I'm witty and I say "didn't that guy kill himself yet?"
>all conversation in the entire party stops
>everyone looks at me in silence
>friend says "dude, he killed himself two months ago, didn't you hear?"
>I mumble something unintelligible and excuse myself from the room

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 08:31:19 No.7453480 Report

Quoted By: >>7456209

>>7427982
/fa/ here

10/10 would compliment on fit

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 08:36:31 No.7453537 Report

Quoted By: >>7453604

>>7449980
>Fapping in bathroom stall once, 5th grade
>tfw someone walks in
>teacher asks if I'm alright at least twice a fap

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 08:41:59 No.7453604 Report

Quoted By: >>7453700

>>7453537
You kept fapping?

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 08:49:27 No.7453700 Report

Quoted By:

>>7453604
I don't know how once got there, I fapped in school bathrooms lots of times. I'd just stop when people walked in.

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1354030263470.gif, 914KiB, 500x348

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 08:51:27 No.7453727 Report

Quoted By: >>7453773

>mom uses my computer
>sees trap porn in history
>don't realise and get home and tell her to get out my room
>she seems really really pissed and hints that she saw my history
>spend next few hours in my room panicking
>eventually my parents call me down from my room
>give me a speech about bdsm or something
>few days later
>dad gives me a lift and scolds me for fapping to 'guys with tits'

they still occasionally hint they think i'm gay because i never have a gf

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 08:54:50 No.7453773 Report

Quoted By:

>>7453727
What do you guys do? How come your parents are checking on you?

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 09:01:44 No.7453868 Report

Quoted By:

>>7427982
/n/ here

10/10 would ride tandem with

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 09:03:56 No.7453898 Report

Quoted By:

>>7427982
/y/ here
Will yaoi with.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 09:05:24 No.7453922 Report

Quoted By:

>>7427982
/a/ here would WOOP WOOP with

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 09:08:49 No.7453963 Report

Quoted By:

>>7427982
/s4s/ here
Stop forcing this shit

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 09:17:50 No.7454093 Report

Quoted By:

Lgbs

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 09:19:41 No.7454113 Report

Quoted By:

>>7424191
What a fucking busybody

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 09:23:57 No.7454176 Report

Quoted By: >>7454322

>in 3rd grade
>at school, go to bathroom to take a piss in urinal.
>kind of friend follows behind me, tells me to spread legs and he'll piss from behind.
>he pisses all over my ass and down both legs
>I get mad and chase him, he gets away.
>it's not easy to move very fast after being pissed on from the waste down.
>walk towards class with piss all over me.
>recess ends, we're in line to go back to class, kind of friend is in line too.
>everyone is laughing at me because I have piss all over me.
>I find kind of friend in line, push him and try to start a fight, he wont go for it and hides behind other kids.
>teacher notices the ruckus, finds out what happened
>we both end up being sent to the principals office
>second lunch kids in line for cafeteria notice me with piss on back as I pass them. they all laugh at me
>grandma brings me change of clothes.

end of story

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 09:29:53 No.7454254 Report

Quoted By:

>>7427982
/d/ here.

10/10 would suck dick with

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 09:32:38 No.7454292 Report

Quoted By: >>7456295

>6th grade
>Halloween
>Everyone dresses up in class
>I was darth vader
>We were poor as shit, like really poor, so my costume was made out of curtains and shit with a dollar store lightsaber.
>Fat kid with name brand vader costume starts laughing at me.
>Take off outfit, don't say a word rest of the class
>Tell mom I hate her when I got home.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 09:33:29 No.7454305 Report

Quoted By:

>on bus today
>we're close to our stop
>wondering if we should yank the cord
>say "should we wank it?" instead of "should we yank it"
I'm glad no one heard me.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 09:34:20 No.7454322 Report

Quoted By: >>7454334

>>7454176
..Why did you agree to this pissing set-up?

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 09:35:26 No.7454334 Report

Quoted By: >>7454383

>>7454322

I don't think I could do anything, I was already pissing and he just walked up behind me.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 09:39:21 No.7454383 Report

Quoted By:

>>7454334

I try to stay away from urinals. I think that is probably the reason why.

I use the toilet so I can lock the door behind me.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 09:52:23 No.7454555 Report

Quoted By: >>7454649

>>7424191
wtf is futa?

I don't really want to look it up

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 09:53:14 No.7454568 Report

Quoted By:

>back in middle school
>instead of gym class I took on the role of "office helper"
>aka I helped out in the school office by delivering passes, sorting mail, and stapling shit
>one day get a pass to deliver up to the 5th grade kids
>head up there and enter the room
>as I'm walking up to the teacher one of the kids yells out "YOU DON'T BELONG HERE!" very loudly
>look at him then the rest of the class awkwardly
>hand pass to teacher
>speedwalk out

Delivering passes was a nightmare for me. Every time I had to walk in on classes and walk right up to the teacher in the middle of a lesson. Sometimes they would take forever to get the pass too so I'd have to stand there in front of everyone spilling my spaghetti ;_;

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 09:57:49 No.7454630 Report

Quoted By: >>7454736

>>7433024
Somewhat related
>Be in pre-k
>never knew how much toilet paper one should use
>one day take a massive shit in the potty
>like, this is more massive than my latest diahrhea explosion a few days ago.
>already known to adults as hogging toilet paper/causing more to be bought than needed
>"Anon, You've been in there way too long, Get out of the bathroom!"
>"B-but, I'm not done yet!"

>tfw your pants are glued to your ass for the rest of the day with shit
>tfw you used so much toilet paper it clogged the toilet for days
>mfw your parents ground you for taking a massive shit.

This is why I hate public restrooms.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 09:59:34 No.7454649 Report

Quoted By:

>>7454555
2d dickgirls

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 10:05:31 No.7454736 Report

Quoted By:

>>7454630
Another pre-k story
>One day picking my nose.
>felt so good man.

>Massive jar of beans for arts and crafts
>"That lima bean looks like it would feel really good, I wonder if it would fit..."
>Shove lima bean up nose
>Get Lima bean all the way up right nostril almost to the place where your glasses normally sit.
>"That felt so good, but now I can't breathe there"

>Walk around for 10 minutes, forgetting about nasal bean.
>teacher notices.
>"Anon, let me take a look at your nose... what is that?"
>busted.jpg

>Teacher suddenly gets panicked, we both realize I can't get it out.
>mfw 30 minutes later they call my dad
>"Sir, anon has a lima bean up his nose, we need your help right now"
>Dad races to pre-k in IRS building, not very far from where he worked at the teamsters.
Completely off topic but growing up around DC was awesome.
>Dad tries to get lima bean out
>mfw they call the local hospital for help
>dad finally gets lima bean out
>all the teachers in the pre-k applaud him and offer to buy him a drink.

>tfw got daylong timeout for shoving lima bean up nose in pre-k

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 10:09:53 No.7454789 Report

Quoted By: >>7458900

>6th grade
>had boners non stop
>had bad sinus problems so always runny nose
>always need a tissue
>had to run like sonic the hedgehog/anime characters to hide my boner

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 10:10:56 No.7454803 Report

Quoted By: >>7455042

Oh god...
>be junior year, 16 years old
>english assignment to write a descriptive paper about an event
>write about the time I went swimming with my crush, her friend and my friend at his house
>you have to read it in front of the class
>"okay, this won't be that bad I guess"
>finish it the day it's due, it's the first draft and it's written very sloppily
>my turns up, haven't even read it out loud yet
>I start reading, doing okay so far
>suddenly, I'm reading really fast and I'm skipping whole lines of text at a time
>I know that it's happening, I can tell that I am shaking visibly and that what I'm saying doesn't make sense
>I can't stop even though I know i'm fucking up, it's as if i'm reliving it in the future as it's happening
>read "w-we splashed the g-g-girls...hehe..." and i paused nervously and began reading again
>my crush is in this class watching me read this
>i get to the bottom of the page, it isn't done but I just lie and say it's over because I know no one knew what i was talking about anyway and I didn't want to have to suffer anymore
>everyone claps sympathetically
>crush texts me telling me I was shaking a lot

I would say I did the worst but some other girl started crying after a few sentences and ran out of the class.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 10:17:50 No.7454903 Report

Quoted By: >>7455177 >>7455806

>Be in second grade
>Go to before school program that also serves breakfast
>Having show and tell
>Drew Exodia on a huge poster board
>Present at show and tell
>Kids laugh at me
>Eat breakfast alone
>Spend the rest of the day upset

That is one of the few stories that have embarrassed me through my life

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 10:27:59 No.7455042 Report

Quoted By:

>>7454803
Oh, this reminds me of a story I have:

>have very neat and small handwriting
>was notorious for it back in school, everyone fawned over it
>this one time in English class we get assigned to write about an event in our life
>teacher will read out a few random stories anonymously in front of the class, projecting the person's paper onto the whiteboard screen
>no problem
>write my shit and turn it in
>day of readings
>teacher grabs someones paper and slaps it on the screen
>handwriting is neat, similar to mine but I know it's not my paper
>people automatically think it's mine
>the paper ends up being some disgusting in depth description of a nasty shoe story
>deny it's mine
>everyone still thinks the story is mine
>mfw

I swear some asshole tried to imitate my handwriting just to fuck with me there.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 10:34:21 No.7455110 Report

Quoted By:

>>7442639
CLASSIC. I still feel bad 4 u though..

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 10:35:28 No.7455119 Report

Quoted By:

>>7453410
That's what you get for being edgy

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 10:39:54 No.7455177 Report

Quoted By:

>>7454903
>second grade
>exodia

I need to leave this fucking board already.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 10:43:54 No.7455234 Report

Quoted By:

>tell 4chan how much i love this character
>including rape fantasies of said character
>they start recognizing me whenever i speak about them
>ha
>haha..

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 10:46:08 No.7455263 Report

Quoted By: >>7455292 >>7455360 >>7455467

>9th grade
>friendless and everyone knows it
>bored in world history
>ask teacher if i can go to the bathroom
>used to sit in bathroom when i was little and just read after shitting, fuck with phone now instead
>go to bathroom, spend 15-20min reading music reviews or whatever
>come back
>weird looks from everyone
>even the teacher

they thought i was fucking fapping

shit

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 10:47:51 No.7455285 Report

Quoted By:

>>7447593
ohhh my god i am so sorry. i'm lactose intolerant and i have irritable bowel syndrome. i feel all of your pain. i have to do this every time i eat fast food, or anything with milk or cheese in it. i've gotten pills for it, but if i don't take it as soon as i wake up, i'm totally fucked. and it's always gross watery diarrhea, too. i feel you so hard. it also makes anal sex a rare treat

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 10:48:37 No.7455292 Report

Quoted By:

>>7455263
same guy, on a related note

>15
>at grandma's house
>bunch of relatives inc. mom hanging out in living room
>bored, want to fap
>excuse myself to adjacent bathroom
>attempt to jack it
>taking forever
>you know how when you're really trying to come you can't?
>that
>finally finish and exit after 15-20min, red faced
>nothing was mentioned

of course they fucking know

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 10:50:14 No.7455309 Report

Quoted By: >>7459386

>>7447593
Your boyfriend is the sweetest dude ever.

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO Kirei Havin a Beer.png, 87KiB, 241x212

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 10:52:56 No.7455344 Report

Quoted By: >>7457183

> Grade 10
> My friends and I go through a dare phase
> My basement is our HQ, seeing my folks aren't around
> We've been progressing quickly in how daring our dares are
> Most of the group has a mutual crush on a specific girl in school
> Cute as fuck tall girl with glasses, brown hair and massive rack
> One afternoon, get dared to raid her locker and bring back something
> I'vecomethisfar.jpg
> Lock seems like a problem
> Decide on bolt cutters
> Wait around until after classes begin
> Bide my time, eventually make my move
> Off comes the lock
> Inside is unusually barren
> Find a photo of her as a kid with her dad as it is the only personal thing in there
> DARE COMPLETE, feel like a badass ninja
> Next morning, assembly is called about 'locker break-ins'
> Turns out her dad was killed in a traffic collision when she was young
> Notice she isn't there today
> Realise we fucked up, decide to make it right
> Put photo in an envelope with a note saying 'sorry'
> A few days after she returns, tail her home
> Her house is a fucking dump, realise she is from a very poor family
> Put twenty bucks in the envelope

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 10:53:02 No.7455345 Report

Quoted By:

>get back from hospital to continue school with other students i had known for over a month.
>try to explain a life-threatening experience i had in said hospital after the other students' stories about spring break.
>class falls silent. Some girls i know are tragicface jpeg.
>can't concentrate, focus, or speak clearly still.
>I'm forced to leave the classroom because im incoherent & having a manic attack.
>girl has to leave class because of my behavior.
>I drop out of school.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 10:54:11 No.7455360 Report

Quoted By: >>7455648

>>7455263
same guy, on a related note

>9th grade again
>listen to Korn, Slipknot, Linkin Park, etc.
>headbang to my headphones all the time
>fucking HEADBANG
>everywhere, in the halls, walking home from school (i'd go nuts with air guitar and everything then, people would cheer from the buses)
>headbang during lunch where i sat alone on the window sill, literally everyone else sitting at a table
>cute girl thinks im cute
>sits next to me on sill, trying to talk
>i barely talk back
>she starts nodding her head to her headphones, most adorbs thing ever in retrospect
>anyway at some point she wants to hug me at the end of the day
>don't like touching people at that age
>"uhhh can I just give you money instead? like 5 dollars or something?"
>shocked look on her face
>realise what i just said
>shit

Next day she broke up with me. Didn't even know we were in a relationship

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 10:56:43 No.7455390 Report

Quoted By:

>>7452647

> Farts during assembly

No, the funniest was farts when they are trying to take the yearbook photo. Not only does everyone laugh, but nobody wants to be in the photo area until it goes away (which pisses the teachers off because they are on a schedule).

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 11:01:59 No.7455467 Report

Quoted By:

>>7455263
same guy, unrelated story. last one

>last day of 10th grade, i think 16
>crushing on this quiet girl in the same grade who ended up being valedictorian
>never talked to her
>ever
>decide to ask her out on last day
>never asked out a girl before, they always came on to me
>no idea what I'm gonna do
>the day arrives
>walking with friend in courtyard, see her walking my direction with her best friend
>the time is now
>said a line of something i don't remember then hold up two big thumbs up to my face and say "will you go out with me"
>i'm a foot taller than her and I was breaking out that day, couldn't have been more than 10 inches from her face
>her friend bends away laughing
>crush just says "uh sorry, no thanks" and leaves
>walk away thinking i did the best i could, whatever
>next few days it fucking hits me
>SHIT

Worst part of it is I did it on the last day as a contingency plan to never see her again if something like this happened. Naturally we passed each other every day in the hall next year and had a senior class together. Basically apologized to her when I realized I was gonna have to be around her, said "hey sorry teenagers do stupid shit" or something

she just like it's alright

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1344569683914.jpg, 21KiB, 476x323

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 11:15:12 No.7455631 Report

Quoted By: >>7455740 >>7462978 >>7466890

> Seven years old, dad takes our family on holiday to the country
> Allowed to go wherever because there aren't really many people out here
> Last day go walking after breakfast, see a pond, decide to go down there
> Suddenly, a girl my age!
> She's wearing good white Sunday dress and has blonde hair
> Why do I feel warm and fuzzy?
> She sees me and smiles and calls me over to help her catch frogs
> FUKN SWEET
> We take off shoes and get in the shallows
> Catch a few, look at them, talk
> She seems cool
> After a while we have three in a jar, she puts the lid on
> What are you doing? They need to breathe!
> 'They'll be fine.'
> NO THEY WON'T
> Getting angry
> She refuses to take the lid off in case they get away
> I snatch the jar and let them go
> She yells at me and hits me
> I see red, I shove her into the pond
> She starts screaming that this was a good dress
> I get a stick and hit her with it over and over
> Realise after a while that she is just on the ground bleeding and sobbing
> FUCK
> Get my shoes and run back to my family
> 'Oh there you are! Get in the car, we're going home now!'
> We never come back

That shit haunts me to this day. I have no idea why I snapped so bad and I feel fucking awful about it.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 11:16:30 No.7455648 Report

Quoted By: >>7455680

>>7455360
>anyway at some point she wants to hug me at the end of the day
>"uhhh can I just give you money instead? like 5 dollars or something?"
why

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 11:20:48 No.7455680 Report

Quoted By: >>7459107

>>7455648
it seemed reasonable at the time

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO bn2TH.png, 42KiB, 195x179

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 11:27:01 No.7455740 Report

Quoted By:

>>7455631
You did good, anon. Bitch deserved it. She was gonna kill those frogs.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 11:32:58 No.7455806 Report

Quoted By:

>>7454903
I think that's pretty cool

moo !!QHO0KbEDKhP

moo !!QHO0KbEDKhP Sun 23 Jun 2013 11:56:31 No.7456044 Report

Quoted By:

>>7427939
>>already 4 other boys in the bathroom
lol

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 12:00:34 No.7456081 Report

Quoted By:

>>7432464
He looks like a chode.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 12:11:13 No.7456177 Report

Quoted By:

>>7427982
/ic/ here
Would use Loomis with

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 12:15:42 No.7456209 Report

Quoted By:

>>7453480
>/fa/
>compliments

oh you

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 12:26:29 No.7456287 Report

Quoted By:

>>7440979
>tfw named Carlos
>tfw most of my bros still fucking hate me
not even mexican

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 12:28:48 No.7456295 Report

Quoted By:

>>7454292
the feels are strong you...

Bazooper

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1370886906032.jpg, 25KiB, 320x292

Bazooper Sun 23 Jun 2013 12:29:51 No.7456302 Report

Quoted By: >>7457151

>Be 15
>At the Gf''s house about to get some
>She goes to the kitchen for something to drink
>Decide to go pee really fast instead of laying awkwardly in her bed
>Mid-piss urge to shit takes over
>try to hold it, but the floodgates are bursting
>ohfuckohfuck.gif
>Se Sienta my ass on the pony
>commence the largest shit of my life
>Sloppily slaps against the bowl
>wipe.exe
>I hear her walking up the steps
>fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.jpg
>try to flush that fucker
>Fucker doesn't flush
>shit water starts flooding her bathroom
>MFW she walks into her room and there's shit water leaking from her door
>MFW she sees me bent over nekkid trying to flush my redwood
>MFW it floated out of the bowl and onto the floor hitting my foot
>MFW

moo !!QHO0KbEDKhP

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 10 out of 10.png, 244KiB, 1164x1762

moo !!QHO0KbEDKhP Sun 23 Jun 2013 12:56:42 No.7456489 Report

Quoted By: >>7464904

>>7427982
If no one's made one already here;s my sloppy attempt

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 12:59:08 No.7456507 Report

Quoted By: >>7459205 >>7459221

>be in 4th grade at a private school, class of 30 kids
>just skipped a grade
>have no friends, all of the kids in the new class irrationally hate me because I'm new
>shun and bully me
>one girl meets me secretly behind the classroom
>anon I'll be friends with you, but you can't tell anyone, because it would look bad for me to be seen with you
>accept this because I have no friends
>hang out with her sometimes during recess without people seeing
>there was a boy named Carson who skipped grades with me
>we'd shared a desk in our old class and he drew comics and was the same height as me (I was a tall girl for my age)
>I had a crush on him
>one day, fake friend in new class asks me if I like anyone
>tell her that I like Carson, and she promises not to tell anyone
>the next day, during gardening class (it was an odd school) 10 people from my class, including fake friend, Carson and I, are sitting around a table eating a snack
>fake friend is across the table, whispering and giggling with her buddies and looking at me
>one of fake friend's buddies loudly asks me "Omg anon do you like Carson?"
>I turn bright red and shake my head
>fake friend chimes in "She totally does. She told me. She's totally in love with him."
>I don't even take a second to look at Carson or anyone else
>jump up and sprint headlong to a tree nearby, climb to the very top of it, and cry
>stay up there all day, refuse to come down
>die inside

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 14:32:56 No.7456998 Report

Quoted By:

>>7439712
I've got one speech related.
>Junior year
>be 16
>in speech and debate but hadn't gone to a competition
>teacher makes me go to one
>I have a speech that I have hardly worked on
>the competition is a two day thing, 6 hours away
>try to memorize the speech on the bus
>get to hotel and realize how bad of a decision this was
>time to give the speech
>in classroom with three other competitors and judge
>I'm last to go
>Get up and begin to talk
>think "hey, this is going pretty well"
>mind starts to wander
>forget what the fuck I'm doing
>stop and look at everyone in the room
>say sorry and sit down quietly
>kid that went before me and did a fantastic job says "just take a minute and start again"
>think "damnit. I have to do this"
>stand up and give an okay speech, my spaghetti packed away tightly
>commence sympathy clapping
>a spaghetti noodle falls from my pocket, and I trip while making my way back to my seat
>as I fall I mumble "kill me now"
>it was just loud enough that they heard it
>they all look upon me with despair as I sit down
The rest of my speeches went okay, and my debate the next day. Though that 12 minutes of my life sat in the back of my head until I got home and slept.
I have another story from speech and debate, but it's as interesting.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 14:55:22 No.7457123 Report

Quoted By: >>7457166

>be 15
>at gf's house
>gf quietly jerking me off on couch
>never cum before at her house because her parents are upstairs and my dick is shy
>i'm getting close to cumming
>been jerking me off for like an hour, FUCK!
>all of a sudden start cumming everywhere
>cum hits ceiling
>gf puts pillow over my dick because the cum keeps coming out like an opened fire hydrant
>finally stop coming look up
>gf is covered in cum
>I have cum all over me
>cum all over couch
>I ask what do i do
>gf tells me to sneak into the basement bathroom and clean up
>I slink to basement bathroom and clean up
>come back
>gf cleaning cum off couch still with couch pillow
>sit down
>look at gf
>gf looks at me
>both laugh until we cry

I've never been able to cum that hard ever since. My dick is now broken though, so... fuck.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 14:59:13 No.7457151 Report

Quoted By:

>>7456302
You write like you're still 15.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 15:02:42 No.7457166 Report

Quoted By: >>7457187

>>7457123
God. Did you just come from /b/?
You sound like a little kid or something.
Fuck. I don't know you and I highly dislike you.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 15:04:50 No.7457183 Report

Quoted By: >>7457255 >>7466810

>>7455344
> Her house is a fucking dump, realize she is from a very poor family
> Put twenty bucks in the envelope

Ahahahahahahahhahaha what the fuck. Watchou think she is? A CHARITY CASE?!?!1

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO scan0004.jpg, 224KiB, 404x669

SpoilerClick to view

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 15:07:14 No.7457186 Report

Quoted By: >>7457229 >>7459442

>kindergarten, first Halloween ever
>vaguely aware that kids dress up, ask mother for costume
>"Don't worry Anon, I've got it covered!"
>don't push the issue any further
>the day arrives
>she reveals the "costume" to me
>rainbow-striped shirt, yellow shorts
>"You're a candy bar!"
>feel slightly uncomfortable at how cheesy this is, but figure it's okay and go to class
>everyone has real costumes; Batman, Power Ranger, etc.
>feel incredible shame
Pic related, it ended up in the yearbook. Can you spot me?

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 15:07:16 No.7457187 Report

Quoted By: >>7457199

>>7457166
Yeah, actually I just came from /b/.

I sound like a little kid?

'scuse me, sir.. but You started a sentence with 'god'. You sound like a little kid, now diligently lick my broken scrotum and balls.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 15:09:10 No.7457199 Report

Quoted By: >>7457278

>>7457187
Is it your goal in life to be a headache to others?

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 15:09:56 No.7457202 Report

Quoted By: >>7459434

>>7424229
I'm guessing it's that author who does those kinds of comics. I can't remember his name but his work always involves bulging and putting dicks in holes where they should not be put in and shit like that.

54m50n !rFHRbO/sT.

54m50n !rFHRbO/sT. Sun 23 Jun 2013 15:12:25 No.7457219 Report

Quoted By: >>7457630

my entire life. have everything handed to me, yet still somehow manage to completely fail

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 15:14:35 No.7457229 Report

Quoted By:

>>7457186
Is that the hand behind the door?

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 15:18:07 No.7457255 Report

Quoted By: >>7466810

>>7457183

Dude, I felt fucking horrible! I didn't know what the fuck to do!

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO fat-bastard.jpg, 19KiB, 368x352

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 15:22:34 No.7457278 Report

Quoted By: >>7457472

>>7457199
mehhhhbeehhhhhhhh

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1310576332886_0.jpg, 33KiB, 413x417

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 15:29:19 No.7457337 Report

Quoted By:

>>7434346
>15
>in line at McDonalds with my family
>stomach been playing up all morning, holding in a shit
>maybe if I just let out some gas I'll be able to hold on longer
>liquid shit sprays my underwear
>fuckfuckfuck
>whisper to my mom that I just sharted and we need to leave
>start walking out
>it's running down the inside of my leg
>the whole store reeks
>leave shit-drips all the way to the car
>cry

Why did you remind me

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 15:40:36 No.7457412 Report

Quoted By:

>last year
>go over to date's house
>have a nice evening watching movies
>go for a quick piss so dont lock the door, hoping she would come in and ''surprise'' me
>actually have to shit so it takes some time
>usually use much toilet paper to wipe ass
>toilet is too small for that amount
>clogged
>desperately try to flush it
>piss, shit and toilet paper swimming on surface
>fuck fuck fuck
>look around
>decide to clear the drain myself
>grab the toilet bin bag, empty it's bloody tampons and what the fuck women put in there on the ground
>wrap the bag's clean outside around my hand and go for the toilet
>kneel in front of toilet and have my arm inside it it up to elbow
>suddenly a knock on the door
>''anon is everything alright?''
>''yeah''
>''what takes you so long?''
>slip and land with my face on the seat making a hard sound
>''What are you doing? I'm coming in''
>door opens, girl stands there stunned
>first looks at me kissing the toilet with my arm full of piss and shit then sees her trash on the floor
>''get the fuck out of here or I'm calling the police''
>try to calm down the situation but she pushes me out of her house
haven't seen here since then. i wonder if she called a cleaner

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 15:48:58 No.7457463 Report

Quoted By:

>>7440139
>>7440114

I don't get why faggot rape is so hot. I actually had to stay in a hotel room with a faggot who kept talking about sucking nigger dicks and then joked about me crawling in bed to fuck him in the ass.

Needless to say, I called him a faggot, called my boss told him I wasn't staying in a hotel room with a faggot, switched rooms with some other dude that told the faggot he'd strangle him if he touched him and even though I was the new guy at this job I was allowed to shit all over that guy for being a creepy fag.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 15:50:07 No.7457472 Report

Quoted By:

>>7457278
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA lold my dick into my ass man
fuck smoke marijuana

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO tumblr_lztfuenhOQ1qatjj9o1_500.jpg, 24KiB, 500x375

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 16:00:08 No.7457519 Report

Quoted By: >>7457588

>arguing with dad
>getting upset and emotional
>get to boiling point, open the door and decide to yell something angrily at him
>something devestating and biting that will show him how upset I am
>without thinking,
>WHY DON'T YOU SUCK MY DICK, DAD

>uh

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 16:01:38 No.7457531 Report

Quoted By:

>tfw you find your little sis reading bara on trap

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO ButtersCowlick.jpg, 239KiB, 720x540

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 16:03:08 No.7457545 Report

Quoted By: >>7458007

>>7442653
"Mom, I made semen come out of me!"

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1353857174412.gif, 985KiB, 251x217

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 16:09:57 No.7457588 Report

Quoted By: >>7457633

>>7457519

hahahahaha top lel, what did he say?

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 16:17:28 No.7457630 Report

Quoted By:

>>7457219
why haven't you killed yourself yet
just do it

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 16:18:17 No.7457633 Report

Quoted By:

>>7457588
he just got mad at me for yelling in front of his ~new wife~ and told me to come apologize.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 16:41:52 No.7457790 Report

Quoted By: >>7466544

>>7451269

She laughed because she knew that there's no B button on a PS controller.

Fucko-bitch

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 35oxxi.jpg, 90KiB, 533x700

Fucko-bitch Sun 23 Jun 2013 16:58:43 No.7457928 Report

Quoted By: >>7457944 >>7457963

>Be me
>age 9
>playing Runescape at the local saint cloud library
>family poor as shit so have too use library
>only have 1 hour too play
>library always packed because its saint cloud downtown and full of niggers n bums+college students
>really fucking have too pee
>decided too just ignore it because I want too get the most of my time
>1 negro kid too my left and some gothish assumingly highschool grill to my right
>about 16 minutes in have too pee like never before
>litterally cant hold it any longer
>piss right there and then
>so much god damn pee it puddles
>pants looks like I went wading in the river
>all happens so fast, people next too me dont notice yet
>climb out of seat and waddle too the bathroom
>pants soak and start too smell like rancid mountain dew piss
>ohgodwhyme.jpg
>be dumb 9 year old and take the handsoap and try and wash pants
>The soad bubbles with the piss on my soaking pants
> situation went from 9/10 bad to 100/10 awful
>cry in bathroom
>man up and think of plan too escape library
>in the midst of my escape I catch a glimpse of the computer i was stationed at
>the entire row of computers is literally taped off
>run out of library
>just as I make it out of the fucking huge building i hear "attention saint cloud library, we will be closing early today due to potential health hazards"
>get on my bike and get home as soon as possible
>take shower, throw away clothing in nearby dumpster, luckily my parents didnt get home til 9

Fast forward 3 days

>Normal morning, almost forgot about the pee
>eating generic toaster strudels and watching public television probably some arthur or some shit
>dad walks in too the kitchen opening the mail
>envelope containing my library card, puts it on the table
> "oh anon your forgot your library card"
>Suddenly am no longer hungry for strudel
>dad gets a puzzled face reading the letter sent along very intently
>"anon, do you mind telling me what the FUCK I just read?"

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 17:01:30 No.7457944 Report

Quoted By:

>>7457928
>"attention saint cloud library, we will be closing early today due to potential health hazards"

lelelelblox

Fucko-bitch

Fucko-bitch Sun 23 Jun 2013 17:03:36 No.7457963 Report

Quoted By: >>7459244 >>7459475 >>7459479 >>7460605

>>7457928
My entire family was no longer aloud at that library. My birthday being 8 days away, father burnt my presents in front of me the same day he found out. Worst experience of my life so far.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 17:05:35 No.7457968 Report

Quoted By:

>tell a girl I like her
Every time...
>never see her again after saying that

Fucko-bitch

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO images (3).jpg, 7KiB, 259x194

Fucko-bitch Sun 23 Jun 2013 17:11:23 No.7458007 Report

Quoted By: >>7465402

>>7457545
"That's nice sweetie, now go and spy on your dad and see what hes getting me, I really wanna out do him this year!"

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 19:14:43 No.7458900 Report

Quoted By:

>>7454789

How can you hide your boner when your arms are flailing behind you?

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 19:27:28 No.7459025 Report

Quoted By:

>be 10
>parents having a st patrick's day party
>drunk room of adults writing limmericks
>i write one that was crude and completely nonsensical
>recite it
>entire room of poker faces
>room suddenly completely silent
>mom: "well...at least...it had something to do with ireland"

for some reason that feel of embarrassment is so fucking vivid and seared into my mind.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 19:35:00 No.7459086 Report

Quoted By: >>7459239

>7th grade
>a dozen of us or so are over at the cool girl's house
>hanging out in her room
>suddenly, i have to take a horrible, massive shit
>girl has a bathroom attached to her room
>take horrible shit
>hear everyone whispering and giggling
>blowing ass oh god please stop
>oh god it smells so bad
>oh GOD WHY IS THERE NO FAN WHY IS THE DOOR JUST TWO SHUTTERS NOT A DOOR
>oh god my friends are now behind the pathetic excuse for a door
>i can see their airwalks and cargo shorts
>HEY ANON!!!!!!!
>open the door and take a picture (with a disposable camera of course, it is 1997 after all)
>close shutters, wipe ass, tell everyone i have to go because we're having dinner (it is 9pm on a Saturday and we just had pizza)
>everyone tells everyone, by Monday people are making fun of me about it
>apparently my shit smelled like tuna, so i am "tuna anon" for a month or so
>by Wednesday the picture has been developed and passed around

A few friends still lol at me about that story. In retrospect it's kind of funny but it was pretty traumatizing. Because of that and a few other incidents I still refuse to shit around anyone.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 19:37:20 No.7459107 Report

Quoted By:

>>7455680

Those must have been some insane times

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 19:43:56 No.7459157 Report

Quoted By:

>>7427982
/int/ here

10/10 would dispute whitness and clay claims with

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 19:49:58 No.7459204 Report

Quoted By: >>7461372

>13 or so
>try hiding porn
>brother knows about My Recent Documents before I do
>tells mom about my porn
>Renamon being pounded from behind with spooge ERRYWHERE
>"anon don't do that again"
>do it anyways
>then I got old enough where they stopped caring and I have my own computer

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 19:50:04 No.7459205 Report

Quoted By: >>7459221

>>7456507
>jump up and sprint headlong to a tree nearby, climb to the very top of it, and cry

Hah that's golden

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 19:52:10 No.7459221 Report

Quoted By:

>>7456507
>>7459205
She probably didn't have very far to climb.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 19:54:38 No.7459239 Report

Quoted By: >>7459305

>>7459086
Jesus. Fuck these idiots building their bathrooms without a proper sound proofing element. I've never been able to shit when anyone's around. Public toilets are a no-no. Apparently when I was a toddler I used to go and hide behind the sofa to shit despite wearing a nappy. Nowadays I combine my shitting times with my daily shower, and run the shower before I sit on the toilet. Luckily I'm a robot (aka recluse) so I'm not often forced to stay away from home for more than a few hours. I remember one time when i was about 14 I went on a school camping trip to Dover for a week and ended up holding my bowels in for literally 9 days. When my cheeks finally hit the seat it was fucking near-orgasmic bliss. Must have been on there for an hour.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 19:54:54 No.7459240 Report

Quoted By:

>>7427982
/r9k/ here
Would drag on shitty joke with

moo !!QHO0KbEDKhP

moo !!QHO0KbEDKhP Sun 23 Jun 2013 19:55:57 No.7459244 Report

Quoted By:

>>7457963
>father burnt my presents in front of me the same day he found out

dick

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 20:04:46 No.7459305 Report

Quoted By:

>>7459239

>Jesus. Fuck these idiots building their bathrooms without a proper sound proofing element.

This, so much. Should I ever build a house, I want the bathroom to be literally soundproof. No sound coming in or out.
I hate it when you're sitting down and you can hear people talking which means that they'll hear your asscheeks flapping. Can't relax, can't shit, get stomach aches and feel bad all day.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 20:13:49 No.7459386 Report

Quoted By: >>7459440

>>7455309
>Takes his gf to WalMart to take a massive shit
>The whole store heard her
>He makes her walk around WalMart with people laughing at her
Yeah, 10/10 bf she has there

Suika !!nGj5Xu0d677

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 010.jpg, 487KiB, 1114x1600

Suika !!nGj5Xu0d677 Sun 23 Jun 2013 20:22:26 No.7459434 Report

Quoted By:

>>7457202

was it this author?

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 20:23:23 No.7459440 Report

Quoted By: >>7459499

>>7459386
>take a shit
>be ashamed
For fuck's sake, women.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 20:23:43 No.7459442 Report

Quoted By:

>>7457186
That's adorable.
>tfw no son to embarrass and get cute pics of

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 20:28:01 No.7459475 Report

Quoted By:

>>7457963
What an asshole, it was a fucking accident and your were scared... no doubt because your father probably punished you for nothing all the time. What an asshole.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 20:28:32 No.7459479 Report

Quoted By:

>>7457963
What a fucking asshole. Whatever, he wasted his own money.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 20:31:37 No.7459499 Report

Quoted By:

>>7459440
Have you read the thread? There's like, 15 shit stories and I doubt all of them are females.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 21:28:15 No.7459936 Report

Quoted By:

Not me but my cousin:

>be 9
>Cousin is 11
>Playing around my house and at the garages at the back
>Stayed in a flat on the first floor
>The front door to the flat was locked because of some buzzer system
>Cousin needed to shit
>he rang my buzzer but got no answer
>Couldnt get inside
>im like whatever and run off to kick a ball about
>come back 5 mins later to find my cousin outside the front door of the flat, completely naked (apparantly he always stripped off totally) taking a shit
>Some dude on the second floor is absolutely horrified at this and shouts on his wife to come see
>I'm pissing myself laughing
>Cousin is bright red, realises what the fuck he is doing, grabs his clothes, and his shit and runs to the bins behind the flat where he drops the turd and gets changed

Turns out my mum was in the shower and didn't hear the buzzer, but god damn i can't imagine how he feels when remembering this

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 21:30:22 No.7459962 Report

Quoted By:

>>7447877
HUE! Why would you play that in a public place anyway? You had it coming brock.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 22:04:51 No.7460290 Report

Quoted By:

Wow dude hey dude fyah fewh

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 22:08:20 No.7460324 Report

Quoted By: >>7460371

>>7453410
Reminds me of this unintentional fuck up:
>be in some club in uni
>one of the regulars, call him M, a staff member (call him N) and me are having a conversation
>M isn't a very attractive guy but this is a non-issue.
>somehow our conversation turns into how we remember people by
>direct myself to M and spurt out the first, didiculously stupid thing that comes to my head as a joke and say "...and I'd say, oh look, it's that ugly dude"
>M goes completely silent, N makes this half-laughing ohhhhhhh while looking at M
>realize split a second later what just happened.
>Apologize profusely without realizing this makes it worse (confirms it was intentional and not accidental)
>M is completely serious
>M leaves early
>M acts avoids me and acts cold and distant when he has to talk to me for the rest of my time in that uni

Seriously, I didn't mean to insult him at all. I wasn't even thinking about his looks when I said that. I just said something that I thought would be non-sequitur funny as a joke, but didn't realize it came out as an actual statement.

Feel like shit every time I think about it.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 22:12:56 No.7460365 Report

Quoted By:

>>7453410
Reminds me of once when I was like 15 this guy from the next town over called Graham Gartshore died in the Canal.

None of us knew him so we joked around about him dying (edgy teens)

Then one day my friend Stew and I were hanging around with this girl Jenny.

We were by the canal and I was sort of wrestling Jenny and I was like "Whoa watch it, do you want to make me the next Gartshore or something?"

Jenny stepped back and was shocked.

Stew was like "Man, she knew him!"

I was like "Oh shit. I'm so sorry. Look...can we just pretend like that never happened?"

and she was like "Ok. Lets."

and we did. It was weird.

But makes me gringo every time.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 22:13:51 No.7460370 Report

Quoted By:

>be 14
>new year at school
>grill smiles at me
>raise hand
>"Angela smiled at me, it's putting me off my work. She keeps distracting me"
>teacher looks confused
>Angela looks sad
>feel smug as fuck

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 22:13:58 No.7460371 Report

Quoted By:

>>7460324
Man no wonder the guy didn't like you after that, haha. Harsh as fuck. Maybe he had a crush on you too. Hurts

- sincerely, an ugly guy

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 22:24:47 No.7460482 Report

Quoted By:

>>7432817
I did the same with my gf a few years ago.
She realised and played along with it making noises and stuff.
>"Ooooh anon fuck me harder"
>"cum all over my face anon"

I'm seconds from cumming when I hear a male voice shouting in the background. Obviously she's been caught by her dad/brother.

Needless to say, I never saw her again.

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1370100195101.jpg, 37KiB, 479x282

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 22:35:15 No.7460605 Report

Quoted By:

>>7457963
>father burnt my presents in front of me the same day he found out

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 22:56:21 No.7460854 Report

Quoted By:

>>7442656
>blackest man to ever live.

9/10 anon

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 23:01:32 No.7460923 Report

Quoted By:

>>7440998
I choose only the best stuff for my folder, something unique and appealing so I want to get back to this

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 23:44:19 No.7461351 Report

Quoted By:

>7th grade reading class
>sit with two normal girls and a really short awkward blonde boy
>we talk amongst ourselves at the end of every class
>blonde and i end up talking about video games
>excitedly half-yelling about santa claus or some shit (i was a little aspie back then)
>the two other girls at my table are giggling and whispering
>one says the boy's name
>"are you and anon dating?"
>more giggling
>i laugh and turn to him to see what he says
>he turns beet red and mutters "n-no..."
>never talks to me again
>mfw i liked him and wished he had said yes

Syndicate

Syndicate Sun 23 Jun 2013 23:46:16 No.7461372 Report

Quoted By:

>>7459204
Your brother was not a "bro", so to speak.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 23 Jun 2013 23:54:54 No.7461456 Report

Quoted By:

>>7427982
/jp/ here.

10/10 would be qt for you

Anonymous

Anonymous Mon 24 Jun 2013 00:13:10 No.7461685 Report

Quoted By:

>>7427982

/huehue/ here

10/10 Would steal money on the internet with

Anonymous

Anonymous Mon 24 Jun 2013 00:13:47 No.7461692 Report

Quoted By:

>>7441405

Always a moron, alway a moron...

Anonymous

Anonymous Mon 24 Jun 2013 00:27:00 No.7461849 Report

Quoted By: >>7461983

>be 16
>watching my 14 year old little sister while my parents are on vacation
>stay awake until 12
>decide to get some water
>get out in the hallway
>notice a light coming from my sister's room
>barely open door
>also hear soft moaning
>OH SHIT
>be curious
>open the door just enough to watch her masturbating
>get the biggest erection
>i pull out my dick and slowly rub it
>hear her give a final moan and realize she's finished
>PANIC and pull my pants back up and run to my room and SLAM the door
>2 minutes later she knocks on my door
>D-DID YOU SEE?
>N-N-N-N-N Y-Y-YES
>hear soft crying outside
>I tell her from the other side of my door, too embarrassed to look at her face, it's perfectly natural and everyone does it
>she says ok and goes to sleep

I don't know if she saw me, though.

Anonymous

Anonymous Mon 24 Jun 2013 00:38:35 No.7461983 Report

Quoted By: >>7462021

>>7461849
that's so cute you're both awkward little weirdos, you should've told her to lock her door from now on though

Anonymous

Anonymous Mon 24 Jun 2013 00:42:06 No.7462021 Report

Quoted By: >>7462360

>>7461983
I did the next morning after she ate her breakfast.

Yelled shut up and we both started to laugh and say we loved each other.

I miss living at home ;_;

Anonymous

Anonymous Mon 24 Jun 2013 01:05:59 No.7462286 Report

Quoted By: >>7463126 >>7463355 >>7464121

>Year 11 talent show (Britfag)
>I got friendzoned about 2 days before hand
>Change my act at the last minute to "Every rose has its thorn
>I'm not a bad singer so it goes well
>For a bit

>2 minutes in I start thinking of her
>Get really bitter
>Start singing it whilst crying
>Walk up to her and start yelling the lyrics about 6 inches from her face
>Whole school looking terrified
>Finish the song and realize what I did
>Piss myself and throw mic at her face screaming
>I knocked out her front tooth
>PE teacher (Like 6'5") tackles me and drags me out of the hall

I moved to Liverpool a week later and never saw any of them again
>Blood and piss all over the floor

Anonymous

Anonymous Mon 24 Jun 2013 01:11:36 No.7462360 Report

Quoted By:

>>7462021
did you fuck her? le original face

Anonymous

Anonymous Mon 24 Jun 2013 01:18:02 No.7462445 Report

Quoted By:

>>7427982
what in the name of fuck is going on here?

Anonymous

Anonymous Mon 24 Jun 2013 01:35:31 No.7462677 Report

Quoted By: >>7464943

>18
>First Job
>Sort of accepted by the other, older guys
>Especially friendly with 26 year old
>He's a drummer, covered in tattoos, in a band...generally cool guy, although intimidating
>Basically totally opposite to me
>Eating lunch
>Try to say something to fit in
>Men like talking about women
>QT in canteen line
>"She's hot as fuck, I'd bang her"
>Think it sounds alright, despite me clearly being a no kiss virgin
>People check her out and agree with me
>A while later
>"Now...that chick. No thanks. 30 tattoos and probably even more STDs. I hate chicks with tattoos"
>Everyone turns around to see who I'm talking about
>Drummer: "Dude, that's my fucking wife"
>mfw

I genuinely thought he was going to kick my face in.

Things were never the same after that.

Anonymous

Anonymous Mon 24 Jun 2013 01:42:30 No.7462781 Report

Quoted By:

>>7427982
pic rater here.

10/10 would hit it

Anonymous

Anonymous Mon 24 Jun 2013 01:54:28 No.7462978 Report

Quoted By:

>>7455631
she had it coming, be honest with yourself

Anonymous

Anonymous Mon 24 Jun 2013 02:02:14 No.7463094 Report

Quoted By:

>15
>gym class
>playing this game
>everyone wears the flags from flagfoot ball
>run around the gym
>steal the flags of people you lap
>whoever has the most wins
>not really into it cause I'm slow
>about to get lapped
>guy grabs my flag
>accidentally grabs my gym pants too
>pants are these old sweat pants my sister had
>they rip from the pocket to my knee
>trip
>pants fall around my knees
>crack my head on the floor
>too dazed to get up right away or pull up my sweats
>everyone sees my panties
>crying from hitting my head
>desperately try to pull my pants up
>don't realize there is a huge hole in them and everyone can still see my bum
>gym teacher blows the whistle
>tells people to go around me
>people run past me several times before I get up and retreat to the locker room

Anonymous

Anonymous Mon 24 Jun 2013 02:03:59 No.7463126 Report

Quoted By:

>>7462286
>Start singing it whilst crying
>Walk up to her and start yelling the lyrics about 6 inches from her face
I don't think I have ever literally cringed at a greentext before I read this

Anonymous

Anonymous Mon 24 Jun 2013 02:10:39 No.7463226 Report

Quoted By:

>two years ago
>be using muh ps3 to look at hardcore tentacle hentai and shit
>trade systems with a buddy
>find out just yesterday that he saw my history and knew about my tentacle adventures
>he told all my other friends too
>they've been laughing about it behind my back all this time
>still deny the fuck out of it

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1344631687418.jpg, 49KiB, 347x370

Anonymous Mon 24 Jun 2013 02:19:24 No.7463355 Report

Quoted By:

>>7462286
I'm so sorry this happened to you

Anonymous

Anonymous Mon 24 Jun 2013 03:27:39 No.7464121 Report

Quoted By:

>>7462286

At least you can make people laugh with that story oh man I'm dying over here

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1324276492638.jpg, 157KiB, 769x794

Anonymous Mon 24 Jun 2013 03:35:38 No.7464218 Report

Quoted By: >>7464465 >>7464946 >>7465164

>be at friends house smoking marihuana
>there's this muslim dude there
>keep telling all these racist jokes aimed at him
>it progresses, I can't stop
>"stoned to death has diffferent meanings for us two"
>"jihad like, really bad cough, we should qurantine you"
>he gets mad, calls me a bigot
>"atleast I have a foreskin and respect for women"
>he kinda shuts down, kinda, just stares at the floor
>"ey, don't get all explosive, it's only in good fun"
>no reaction
>"does your mum has a mustache?"
>he starts to cry

Casually browsing /pol/ has made me into this lexicon of offensive jokes, and I have next to no self-control. I get into these situations all the fucking time now.
Poor dude prolly hates me to death now.
Just as I hate myself.

Anonymous

Anonymous Mon 24 Jun 2013 03:45:49 No.7464350 Report

Quoted By: >>7465590

>Be 14 years old
>In PE Class
>Fire Alarm goes off
>We all have to go outside in our tshirts and shorts, although a few of us quickly grabbed our jackets
>It's pretty cold outside since its winter
>Cute girl in class is cold
>try to offer cute girl my jacket
>"y-y-you can wear my jacket if you want"
>she doesn't even look at me or acknowledge me
>tfw

Anonymous

Anonymous Mon 24 Jun 2013 03:55:01 No.7464465 Report

Quoted By:

>>7464218
I sometimes make jokes directed at my muslim friend, like "Don't terrorize us" or "That's going to be the bomb" and such but it's all in good faith when he enjoys that too. If he doesn't, you just act like an asshole.

Anonymous

Anonymous Mon 24 Jun 2013 04:22:32 No.7464783 Report

Quoted By:

>Be 13 years old
>With friend outside
>Sitting on top of mailbox
>Friend starts tickling me
>I'm laughing hard
>So hard I fall off mailbox
>Fall onto small fence
>my ass lands on a part of the fence that sticks out
>it hits my anus
>I scream like a girl
>I piss my pants
>"AGHHHHH MAH BUM"
>burst into tears
>friend is laughing his ass off
>"AH PEED MASELF"
>he laughs even harder
>get drove home by friend's mum as I smell like piss
>butt hurts for days

I was raped by a fence

lol good times

Anonymous

Anonymous Mon 24 Jun 2013 04:31:16 No.7464904 Report

Quoted By:

>>7456489
it is splendid

moo !!QHO0KbEDKhP

moo !!QHO0KbEDKhP Mon 24 Jun 2013 04:33:41 No.7464943 Report

Quoted By:

>>7462677
Haha pretty bad.

I did something fairly similar. Saw my friend talking to some absolute skank, when he returned to us I asked why he was talking to a hooker, turned out it was his gf.

He just laughed it off though.

Anonymous

Anonymous Mon 24 Jun 2013 04:33:58 No.7464946 Report

Quoted By:

>>7464218

Congrats on confirming any stereotypes he held about americunts though.

Anonymous

Anonymous Mon 24 Jun 2013 04:41:20 No.7465048 Report

Quoted By:

>>7427982
/lit/ here
10/10 would read again

Anonymous

Anonymous Mon 24 Jun 2013 04:45:14 No.7465100 Report

Quoted By: >>7465497

>8th grade
>look like shit, far too long hair for my face, black clothes, longsleeves, cargo pants, sometimes black nail polish
>have gigantic crush on girl in my class (might have been love for all I know)
>get deeply friendzoned
>we have to do some kind of assignment
>am in a group with my crush and her best friend (also female)
>"Hey anon, we should do that over at your place!"
>-"S-sure."
>they come over to my place later that day
>they go into my room
>Warhammer miniatures, paints, video games, mangas everywhere
>they slowly walk over to my bed because I have no other place to sit except for my office chair and a couch that is cluttered with clothes and assorted smaller items
>"Sooo...let's start with the assignment then."
>go quickly over what we have to do, split up the parts and call it a day
>as they're leaving, my crush notices as a large box on my floor
>"What's in there anon?"
>my time to shine has come
>if my other possessions don't impress her, this sure will
>-"Oh! This is just the box in which my sword came!"
>get the sword down from my closet
>it's a cheap sword with tribal painting and a plastic handle
>-"Do you want to hold it?"
>push it into her hand
>"That's...cool. Ok, see you in school tomorrow."
>they leave
>I stay behind
>with my sword in my hand
>and my heart on the floor

Anonymous

Anonymous Mon 24 Jun 2013 04:49:38 No.7465164 Report

Quoted By:

>>7464218
God damn you should, holy shit

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1370896486266.jpg, 28KiB, 492x341

Anonymous Mon 24 Jun 2013 05:04:24 No.7465377 Report

Quoted By:

>>7442530
>>7447200
oh fuck me 10/10

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1371258275738.png, 32KiB, 200x258

Anonymous Mon 24 Jun 2013 05:06:29 No.7465402 Report

Quoted By:

>>7458007
"Hey mom look what I found! I've seen him do this before - it's not very tasty though..."

Anonymous

Anonymous Mon 24 Jun 2013 05:13:36 No.7465497 Report

Quoted By:

>>7465100
What a bunch of douches of a friends you had Anon. Good thin you dumped them and got real friends, right?

Anonymous

Anonymous Mon 24 Jun 2013 05:21:28 No.7465590 Report

Quoted By:

>>7464350
she might not have heard you

Anonymous

Anonymous Mon 24 Jun 2013 06:34:11 No.7466544 Report

Quoted By:

>>7457790
And that no game ever uses B to jump, anyway.

Anonymous

Anonymous Mon 24 Jun 2013 06:51:01 No.7466810 Report

Quoted By: >>7466819

>>7457183
It's bedtime, newfriend.

>>7457255
You did the right thing, even though you did the right thing at first.

Anonymous

Anonymous Mon 24 Jun 2013 06:51:35 No.7466819 Report

Quoted By:

>>7466810
wrong thing*

fuck

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1370811894221.jpg, 11KiB, 225x225

Anonymous Mon 24 Jun 2013 06:55:45 No.7466890 Report

Quoted By:

>>7455631
> I get a stick and hit her with it over and over
> Realise after a while that she is just on the ground bleeding and sobbing

Anonymous

Anonymous Mon 24 Jun 2013 08:32:56 No.7468290 Report

Quoted By:

>>7433423
>>7433559
>>7433407
Oh man, I'm not the only one who did that? I stopped doing that sometime in my pre-teen years and discovered that if you push down on the crotch it feels good. I didn't even discover jacking off until I was 16. Man, was I out of the loop in my younger years.

Anonymous

Anonymous Mon 24 Jun 2013 08:40:15 No.7468370 Report

Quoted By:

Oh god

>in 2nd grade
>sitting at the lunch table half-flirting back and forth with a group of girls
>something caused me to pour the Sprite I had in my lunch on my hair for some reason trying to act like what I perceived as a badass.
>someone tells
>I have to stay inside for recess
>1st grade teacher who is friends with my mom scolds me and gives me a lecture about it
luckily it didn't get sticky, unlike my next story

>be on my bed lying on my side with my laptop, I was probably about 14-15
>whacking it hardcore to some weird BBW shit, not sure why. Actress was Samantha Anderson
>lose myself when I cum and jizz all over my covers
>I have nothing to clean it with so I frantically cover it up hoping it'll dry or some shit
>grandma comes in for whatever reason about 5 minutes later and I flop around to cover up the spot where I buried my horrible secret
>she sees my bed is a mess and yanks the covers up into place
>the lights were out and she sat down on my bed
>GRANDMA'S HAND HAS MADE CONTACT WITH MY SEMEN
>she asks what the spot is on the bed and I'm feeling so hot from embarrassment and fear I can't think
>I say I accidentally sneezed on the bed
>"There's way too much to be snot"
>"I think I have a sinus infection!"
>she eventually leaves and I wallow in shame, knowing that she knew full well what she had put her hand in, and was feeling embarrassment just like I was, but was feeling disappointment instead of fear.
I still think of this on a regular basis and shudder. Dear god it's embarrassing.

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