Update 2024-03-27: Greatly expanded the "Samples" page and renamed it to "Glossary".
Update 2024-04-04: Added 5 million mid-2011 posts from the k47 post dump. Browse (mostly) them here.
Update 2024-04-07: Added ~400 October 2003 posts from 4chan.net. Browse them here.
Welcome to Oldfriend Archive, the official 4chan archive of the NSA. Hosting ~170M text-only 2003-2014 4chan posts (mostly 2006-2008).
What are some weird things you did in your preteen years? >12 years old >go through the goth phase >dye hair blue >it turns green >wear a leather belt as an armband like pic related, except it went around my forearm almost to my elbow >sometimes wore 2 on the same arm
>Come home from class >Girlfriend and some dude from her course are fingerbanging on my futon >Girlfriend sees me and starts spouting the usual bullshit (it isn't what it looks like, etc) >Stay calm >Laugh at them >Ask them of all places why they would choose MY apartment >Stop laughing and say "I'm not even mad. You guys are really bad at this" >While they leave I keep chuckling
I don't know why i found it so funny but I did. I still laugh about it to this day. Got any stories you'd like to share?
ITT Times we were sexually assaulted by females >be busboy, massive beta with aspergers >work was slow, no customers >hanging out in the employee break room >three female servers come in >"Hey anon we heard you had a big cock" one said >I lose my spaghetti "who-o?" > "aren't you going to show it to me?" she said > "u-uhhh I'm not sure" >other two female servers have already gotten behind me >hold me down from the back >one female server starts rubbing my cock > "Ohhh it's getting hard" she says > "P-p-please stop" as I try to fight it > she unzips my pants > "Oh wow I guess she was telling the truth, it's at least nine inches" > they let me go, and then walk out worst part is I masturbate to this I've got other stories too, this one is the best though
>be 16 >have a really stressed french teacher >one day a douchebag starts talking over him >teacher screams and punches the window next to him >glass and blood everywhere >never hear from teacher again >douchebag acts like a fucking hero saying he got the teacher to leave >principal hears him saying it to his friends and he gets expelled
So this happened to me yesterday, and I don't know man, I have so many feels.
>hangin out with my best best bro, we're really close >He's super skinny and has longish hair, grows very little facial hair could pass for a girl if he tried >playin the vidja and drinking beers on my couch >6+ beers in and we both are drunk and now awful at King of Fighters >making gay jokes at eachother because we're drunk >"Hey anon (jokingly), what would you do if I was gay?" >(again, jokingly)"I'd tell you to suck my dick. BUSTAH WULFFF!" >knock out his Ash with Terry, end round one. >him: "haha, okay" >round two is about to begin, concentrated on the screen >don't notice him getting on his knees in front of me, thought he dropped his phone or something >He starts pulling down my gym shorts >Think he's still joking (we take jokes pretty far), say "make sure to cup the balls bro" >keep in mind, I have never gay >take a drink of my beer >he giggles >keeps pulling >feel a breeze >oh shit my dick is really out >and now it's in his mouth >he's sucking my dick slowly and playing with my balls >feels so fucking good man >involuntarily get hard >I have lost the ability to speak words >starts deepthroating my dick, gags a couple times >going faster >he takes my dick out of his mouth and starts jerking me off >make eye contact >immediately cum all over his face >dunno what to do or say >see all my cum on his face, and in his eye >without thinking, ask, "are you ok?" >him: "Bustah wulf!" >he smiles at me
I talked to him today, but we haven't mentioned what happened. Fuck.
tl;dr, best friend sucked my dick, what do? Am I gay?
You guys have got to read this. There are ideas for stories and characters by the truckload in here.
>Floronius, privileged soldier of the 7th legion, was here. The women did not know of his presence. Only six women came to know, too few for such a stallion.
> I have buggered men
>We two dear men, friends forever, were here. If you want to know our names, they are Gaius and Aulus.
Vagina stories, your own or some other you've encountered
>be somewhere around 9-11 >examining my vagine as usual >recently had discovered the joy that is squeezing out pus and similarly colored liquids out of any and every pore on body >notice strange cluster/buildup of flesh or some weird abnormality at the top of my lips >squeeze it >small amount mystery white clump comes out >clitoris is now visible >it was definitely not toilet paper
>mfw I also try to squeeze shit out of the little pores around my nipple
Let's have a Fat People Thread going on. Greentext any and all experiences with Fat People.
>first day of middle school >it's the 6th grade >very awkward, everyone is trying to find their classes >find mine and take a seat >it's this tiny chair with metal legs, the back is some plastic and it has a plastic board for your books >see this kid who was pretty fucking big for a 6th grader >he sits down >hear the poor chair squeaking in agony >each leg reaches out further as the whole seat concave's itself on him >the entire class erupts in laughter >even the teacher >chair has to be broken into pieces to get him out of there >never saw him again after that
A similar thing happened with this blonde girl who was just as big. She sat down and the chair just couldn't handle her weight. It broke and her face turned beet red. As if she realized suddenly how much of a lardass she truly was. I felt pity for her after that.
