Update 2024-03-27: Greatly expanded the "Samples" page and renamed it to "Glossary".
Update 2024-04-04: Added 5 million mid-2011 posts from the k47 post dump. Browse (mostly) them here.
Update 2024-04-07: Added ~400 October 2003 posts from 4chan.net. Browse them here.

Welcome to Oldfriend Archive, the official 4chan archive of the NSA. Hosting ~170M text-only 2003-2014 4chan posts (mostly 2006-2008).

Threads by latest replies - Page 9

!oXuMzpRRe2

!oXuMzpRRe2 No.2713259 View ViewReplyLast 50OriginalReport
I'm a moderator for OKCupid, I get to see the downright stupid, perverted, racist and hilarious messages that get reported and I'm here again to share some with you.

I have not uploaded any here in about 6 months, but I was reminded of you by this particular message. I swear to god, if this isn't one of you or /fit/, I will eat my own tophat.
265 posts omitted

No.2584892 View ViewReplyLast 50OriginalReport
Cruisin' on down Feel Street
You're relaxed and feelin' good
Next thing that you know you're seein'
Octopus in the neighborhood!

Surfin' on a feel wave
Swingin' through the feels
Take a left at your intestine
Take your second right past Mars.

On THE MAGIC FEEL BUS
Navigate a nostril
Climb on THE MAGIC FEEL BUS
Spank a plankton, too
On our Magic Feel Bus
Raft a river of feels
On THE MAGIC FEEL BUS
Such a fine thing to do!

So strap your bones right to the seat
Come on in and don't be shy --
Just to make your day complete
You might get baked into a pie

On THE MAGIC FEEL BUS...
Step inside -- it's a wilder ride!
Come on -- ride on THE MAGIC FEEL BUS!
61 posts omitted

YOU ARE NOW AWARE THAT THIS BOARD IS MORE THAN 25% BOT THREADS

No.2575214 View ViewReplyLast 50OriginalReport
While no doubt there have been some real people responding to these threads initially, it has over time become obvious that there is some form of automated bumping taking place. Either a bot is involved, or some incredibly mentally disturbed person is going out of his way to prevent over 60 threads from 404ing (that's more than 4 full pages of of the 16).

There are no mods, no janitors, and [email protected]<script type="text/javascript">
/* <![CDATA[ */
(function(){try{var s,a,i,j,r,c,l,b=document.getElementsByTagName("script");l=b[b.length-1].previousSibling;a=l.getAttribute('data-cfemail');if(a){s='';r=parseInt(a.substr(0,2),16);for(j=2;a.length-j;j+=2){c=parseInt(a.substr(j,2),16)^r;s+=String.fromCharCode(c);}s=document.createTextNode(s);l.parentNode.replaceChild(s,l);}}catch(e){}})();
/* ]]> */
</script> has not responded to dozens (hundreds?) of emails about this problem.

Yes, /r9k/ regulars can use 4chanX to identify and hide these threads, but new posters won't know which are which and just see a never-ending wave of shitty threads. They will quickly get bored and leave. This bot is strangling /r9k/ by driving away new posters, and re-enforcing the negative, depressive atmosphere of the board.

Don't believe me? Check pages 12-15 for greentext threads that are dying with only a handful of posts, while shitty bot threads have 200+.

What can we possibly do to breathe new life into this place?

59 Confirmed Bot Threads (weeks or months old, with automatic bumping)
>>2246631
>>2065292
>>2323721
>>2288354
>>2065177
>>2286151
>>2435137
>>2303098
>>2238542
>>2216665
>>2333261
>>2182956
>>2132604
>>2344279
>>2257377
>>2144348
>>2321086
>>2444904
>>2321213
>>2375479
>>2297013
>>2322641
>>2338827
>>2183921
>>2297651
>>1810355
>>2265144
>>2299695
>>2384744
>>2192566
>>2371079
>>2324761
>>2473430
(cont)
502 posts omitted

No.2502692 View ViewReplyLast 50OriginalReport
Can we get a shy/beta girls greentext thread going?
I'll start
>be 17
>talking to cute shy girl
>she starts stuttering and blushing
>I ask her whats wrong
>She gets really nervous and says "emm...I'm on my period"
>She leaves almost in tears
482 posts omitted

No.2510012 View ViewReplyLast 50OriginalReport
Can we get a Public Bathroom Experiences thread?

>on a trip
>stop at a truckstop need to piss really bad.
>all the stalls have no doors.
>one stall even has a glory hole.
>whats the point of a glory hole when none of the stalls have doors, you can see who is in the stall next to you.
>start pissing, trying not to touch anything.
>trucker comes into the stall next to mine and starts taking a shit.
>he starts moaning and grunting
>didn't know if he was taking a shit or having a baby.
>had to pass by him on my way out of the bathroom.
140 posts omitted
!!QICGhr+GlMG

!!QICGhr+GlMG No.2378489 View ViewReplyLast 50OriginalReport
>Use to be skinny, shy guy
>No girls like me. Even the shy, introverted girls were fucking the extroverts of our social circle.
>20th birthday, and I decide I'm not going to live the next ten years the way I just did
>get ottermode and work on talking to women. The key is that you can be A LOT more forward with a girl than you think you can
>After I am able to have a consistent success rate attracting women I launch my plan
>I look for dumpy, homely girls who aren't used to alpha male attention; they only get attention from wannabe alphas and have to settle
>They are always overjoyed to get attention from me and it's like I'm a celebrity with how easy it is to attract them
>After blatantly flirting with them they start to get desperate enough to actually make the first move (ask me out somewhere, intimate physical gestures)
>When they do I say "Oh... Look sorry if you got the wrong idea but I just thought you seemed like a really cool girl and wanted to get to know you. I would love it if... we could stay friends."
>They always say yes to save face... I purposefully go to hangouts and parties as a "friend" of hers and these girls ALWAYS have a friend who is way hotter
>Since I'm already socially proofed by the girl I friendzoned it's easier for me to fuck the hotties of the group. Girls are competitive and it only makes it easier for me to fuck
>Consistently do this until I make my way through every smoking hot, busty friend in this circle. Then I find a new ugly girl and repeat the process...
>Of course I make sure to tell the ugly girl about how much I connect with her skinny, pretty, bubbly friend.
>That dead, hurt look in their eyes when I'm telling them about it is the sweetest revenge I can ever taste

I know what you ladies are thinking; you're a monster. Yeah, I am; and you made me, Frankenstein.
448 posts omitted
!!+fTvbGNjwiJ

!!+fTvbGNjwiJ No.2360430 View ViewReplyLast 50OriginalReport
can we have a "that kid" high school thread?

i'll begin

>that 4'10" kid who still couldn't find his classes in May, who was very likely autistic
414 posts omitted
!!hGVNqbTL1ZV

!!hGVNqbTL1ZV No.2324890 View ViewReplyLast 50OriginalReport
"Cool mom" / Overly permissive parents stories
438 posts omitted
!!pVbyp9iAZhG

!!pVbyp9iAZhG No.2314548 View ViewReplyLast 50OriginalReport
Why are women this way /r9k/?

I just want a girl who shares my interests...
532 posts omitted
!s.th/ck1D2

!s.th/ck1D2 No.2199093 View ViewReplyLast 50OriginalReport
>In love with girl for 2 years
>Friendzoned as fuark
>fail to understand this, and keep trying
>she lives 3 hours away
>visit her often because I can't live without her

Fast forward to this week
>her best friend texts me being all friendly and shit
>I misinterpret this as an invitation to fuck
>drive three hours with the intention of fucking her best friend (I thought it'd be a good way to make my love jealous, thus winning her over)
>I arrive to a big house party.
>spend a solid 20 minutes looking for my fuck partner
>find her
>"oh hey anon, so glad you could make it! You're such a good friend."
>flash her a quick sight of the condom in my wallet
>she looks uncomfortable and quickly walks away pretending not to have noticed
>fuck it, maybe I can still get with my love
>catch her and her friend an hour later both making tongue love with two alpha douche bags.
>drive home crying for the entire 3 hours.

Fuck my life. This is how I spent my Friday. I drove 3 hours with the hopes of getting laid and I come back empty handed. Fucking bitches.
116 posts omitted